After having an attitude just about all day, I ended up in a phone call, via facebook messenger, with my friend Patricia from California. She is currently in Cebu. One of the other islands here in the Philippines. She was having a bad day, and really wanted to talk to Sam and I to help her cheer up a bit.
Of course, Sam was watching out for her, and informed I was not in the mood for dealing with life so I wouldn't be of any help to her.
Which I suppose made her sad or something because Sam ended up handing me her phone with a worried look. I talked to her for a good...30 minutes? It was right before Informatics started. And she was just crying on the phone. I just sat there listening to her apologizing for wanting to talk to me, and how she knows my life is not going well, and how she knows I am not at all happy and cheerful but she needed to hear my voice.
Ember had said something about my voice being comforting, and that it makes her even feel at ease, and I guess that is what Patricia wanted. I sounded like home to her. Being in another country and not really speaking the language, it is always lonely. I get lonely. So people like me gather to each other to make it slightly less lonelier. In my case though, I don't fit in with the students from the states. They are all from the west coast. I am from the east coast. Only student from Florida. But they all still go to me if they need to talk. I get annoyed, but...even though I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything, I talked to Patricia and put my feelings aside. Like I always do. I listened and comforted her. I am sure that she could tell it was forced because she was more guarded than she normally would have been. But she calmed down from crying and wanting to kill herself. Though she can't wait to go home. She is reassured that it is okay to drop out of schooling, that nursing isn't what is important, that her happiness was.
I didn't look crappy today. Which is a really good thing. It is hard to look good when everything is going wrong and I just want to disappear and never come back.
But I forced myself to wake up earlier, just to style my hair. And in my opinion, it came out really well. Everyone loved my hair, though some wanted to see my messy curls. But the over all effect was good. Ember is also forcing me to use her pink lip tint. She said my lips looked so pale, which isn't usual for me. I have a natural glow. Pinkish cheeks and pinkish lips. Which both weren't there. She said I was pretty but in a different way. A non-Christina way. Like I wasn't alive. Which I laughed. Ember is too much sometimes. She also shared an apple with me since I refused to eat. SHE gets worried over me not eating, but she doesn't eat anything for days. -shakes head.
My friend Jesalinne, she was selling cheese mini muffins. She calls them mini cupcakes, but it isn't cute, so I refer to them as muffins. She was selling them, really cheaply, but she just gave them to me. 7 mini muffins. I didn't even ask. I am pretty sure she was worried I would lecture, yell or refuse to take part in things because of my attitude most of the day. Which makes no sense. Even if I am in a bad mood, I would not let it affect my grade. For example, I am the one doing the powerpoint for our group project, because I know the little tricks and they don't. I like going beyond what is expected for my assignments.
But I am glad I got the muffins. Sam really needed them. She was pretty much walking around basically dead. She didn't get enough sleep thanks to being up all night talking on her phone, like usual. So I figured cheese plus snack would make her a little bit more awake. She was happy about it. She loves cheese. And she should. Cheese is good.
Dindi and Price also were using my phone. And just like everyone else, they go right to my photos, and camera. It is a natural thing here. Everyone uses everyone's phone. They take selfies and just leave it, and everyone just posts it online for them to get later on.
They never done it on my phone, because they were always concerned I would get upset since I am constantly on it. But I don't mind it. I have a ton of selfies of Yna, Jhens, Patch, Sam, Pamu, Anna, and a lot of other classmates. So it was the first time for them. I know I leave my selfies all over the place. Andrew has a few of mine, Fritz too. Yna has a lot of them. Sam, duh.
It is the norm. I am glad they feel close enough to me to do something like that. Though it started because they were worried I was mad at them for doing the whole powerpoint by myself.
Never. I find joy in doing mindless tasks.
So...I am not angry anymore. I am not happy either.
I am just...existing right now.
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