Saturday, February 25, 2017
Yeah....been a while.
So much has happened. And currently in a bad place. Mostly my fault, so I have no right to complain. But it does take a toll when one has no one to talk to, or to make smile. -takes a breath- So I decided to come back here. I did try to reach him, but no reply, he randomly disappeared. I am worried about him, hopefully he is okay. If nothing in a few days, I may try to email him again. (Yes, I am well aware I am annoying)
Between the thesis and Sam (with others), my life has been a major mess. I actually...broke down in tears in the Dean's office from everything. -laughs- We were talking about me running for the LGU, and me declining and randomly started crying. Had to explain to her that I am just over stressed so since the weekend was coming up, I relaxed an naturally cry. I have seriously thought I stopped being a crybaby, guess not.
Along with that....I am...I don't know, hurt I suppose that Sam has basically tossed me aside these past couple of weeks. No real idea why. First I thought it was due to my little blow up in Cebu, but now...now it just seems she just doesn't want to be friends anymore. It wouldn't hurt if she didn't go out of her way to secretly invite our mutual friends to go out. Meaning, she would say bye she was going home, call one of the friends I am talking to, then invite her to go out. Usually I would be told to come along, but the friend told me she would be right back....to which was a lie, I overheard the conversation, then saw the photos online. Hahaha. People going behind my back and whatnot. Seems like high school again. I don't know. I just I thought she would be different due to age, and having problems she talked to me and only me about. Through my encouragements, she opened up to our close friends/group about her sexuality. I always supported her and helped her feel better no matter when or how I was doing, and then suddenly get tossed aside as if I was no one.
Suppose it just is a shocker. It hurts, but I know I will get over it. Just everything happening so fast, and my mind not being able to handle it all. I didn't realize how lonely and captured I felt over here. Having so much expected from me, randomly getting tossed out of a group (again). They wonder why Abbie doesn't have a group, why she isn't like the other American students....because the same thing happens to her. She makes friends, and then they randomly leave her. I have started talking to Abbie again, though we don't see eye to eye, she knows how I feel at least. Just a year and a half.
Hahah writing all of this has made me want to cry. Gosh, do I really suck at making friends. I was going to write what people told me was said behind my back, but...I don't think I will now.
I think...I think I am just not cut out for certain things. So now to get use to going out on dates alone instead of with her or the others. At least it is less than 2 years now, then I can go back home, hopefully to people who still care about it.
Anyways, I am tired now...so I guess I will end this now before I get even more down.
Until next time, Ciao`.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Thursday, November 24, 2016
Ako ra sa kapoy, ug sakit-sakit. Pero oi sa klasmet sa gibuhat ako smile-smile.
Karon ko klasmet "palihog kaw entrante sa Story Telling Tin?"
Okie ra, sa ako. Dili bisi-bisi.
Sakto oy! Hah, nadag-an ko! Hahah dili sa first place, pero tersera!
Apil sa whole university.
Sa pitlaw, dili sakto, sakit nagalabi sa panahon.
Ako sa tingali mawad-an sa, usa ka sa usa ka tawo importante.
Sakit sa kasingkasing.
Ag blog, sa move sa bag-o site.
Pero, balik-balik unya sa damlag.
Nahigugma ako kaniya sa ingon sa daghan.
Ko gusto nga magpabilin siya, apan wala ko masayud kon sa unsang paagi sa pagsulti kaniya nga walay hinakog nga ug alang kaniya nga malipayon.
Kini tinuod nga ang-among-among.
Adiyos kay karon.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
I am not with my friends or family for the day of thanks.
I may forget to post on Thanksgiving.
I could go on about my thoughts, my days since,from since my last serious post. But I am not.
24 things I am thankful for. That is what this post is about.
So let us begin:
1.) My health right now.
2.) Annoying people who won't let me be alone when my face is blank.
3.)The past 7 years.
4.) Actually making it this far in life.
5.) The brief peace that fills me during walks alone.
6.) Mother nature
7.) My mom calling me and keeping me in the loop.
8.) My older sister who still treat me like the child I am.
9.) The funny fact I literally just learned my O.R instructor married a distant family member.
10.) Booze. Hah. That is a given.
11.) The way my heart beat.
12.) Unconditional love and support form my parents.
13.) Passing my classes
14.) Opening up to the person I cherish dearly
15.) Authors, I will always be thankful for books.
16.) Sam for putting up with me.
17.) Patch and Yna for always making sure I am included in things. I am pretty easily forgotten.
18.) Silvara. The group of online misfîts that try to make it through the world.
19.) Me being me.
20.) Lazy days.
24.) For everything.
Monday, November 14, 2016
The moment when you are in a video call with your best friend and both of you end up singing the same song. -laughs- I love my Sonbon, and so thankful she introduces me to such magical/cute cartoon movies at random and enjoys singing as much as I do, even if we are not good at it.
Today was the first day of "duty", it was such a fun experience.
The actual day consisted of lectures, since new semester new information we will be using at the hospital. All of our hands are dying. -laughs- So many notes, which were to be checked by our clinical instructors after the day was over. Though they went through the notes quickly, it was really hard to keep up with them. I am nearly certain my phone contains 75% photos from powerpoints for my classes. -laughs-
During lunch, Sam and I rebelled and left the school. Which is not allowed. During duty, if at school, we are to stay at school. But we wanted to know if the restaurant we enjoy (Mexican-Asian Fusion) was open at the ICM mall. So during lunch we snuck out of the campus and ate at the place. Thankfully it was open. -laughs- And then when we got back, my groupmates were so sad because they wanted to go, but the didn't have money to go there. After all foreign food tends to be a little more pricier than their food. So I told them next time we'll go all together. And they were still sad about it. And then right after the duty day ended which is at 3:30 if we are at the school, I gathered them all up and told them we should go out and "Celebrate" making it this far together. And they were thinking we were going to go to one of the small places near by and buy snacks, but I surprised them by telling the drivers to take them to the ICM. Which made them think one of the fastfood joints they have, or the food court. Nope. -smiles- I told them to follow me, and took them all to HOLA! They were so happy about it, Yna started jumping and asking what should she have, and the others were iffy since the prices, and I told them just order and never mind the bill. So the person taking the orders were enjoying the long list of foods we had. -laughs- And it was "Self service, clean as you go" place, so I lectured them to make sure to clean up after themselves and not to cause trouble for anyone.
The were so happy. I was really happy to put a smile on their face. Yesterday ended badly and today started off badly. I am glad I didn't let the rain ruin my day. I am the mother of the group. I fed my baby ducklings.
Hahahah, funny thing is, they'll forget about my birthday until after the day. I just love them.
The nursing squad of London Bridge(with 2 friends from Power Rangers) -laughs-
Also, I am going to be in the first batch to Cebu for our Psych rotation. We get 6 roommates, and it works out well for our group since there are 6 girls. -laughs- We are all excited. December 5 to 9 we'll be doing BLS training to prepare us. It is a requirement we have to do before we are allowed to go there. But it is going to be so much fun because we'll get to be off for 2 weeks when the second batch goes. But we all will be here during HNU days. So that is going to be a good thing.
Sam's mom started laughing after I yelled out "Hell yeah!" in response to the fact they will allow us to leave the boarding house to go to the mall, or Starbucks. -laughs- Cebu has better cafes, and stores. I am just so glad that I'll be with Sam, Jhens, Patch, Yna, and Pamu. -smiles- They make all of this mess bearable for me.