I cannot lie.
This month has been 100% amazing.
My laptop died while I was working on my thesis. Now, normally that would upset me. But it didn't. I had a small freakout, but recollected myself. Yesterday I received my new laptop. Named it Dean. It is a nice laptop, I had so much fun setting him up. -smiles- It has nothing on it. Parents spoiled me, told me I deserved it and they were waiting for my birthday to send it, but since I need it now, I need it now.
And, I been feeling emotionally great. Talking to Matt every day since I think July. At first I messaged him cause we lost touch and he is one of my best friends and I wanted to talk to someone who I didn't have to explain anything, or ask anything personal. That is how we work. We only talk personal when it happens. Not the past. So since all of my friends usually asks "So how was -insert name-" and then go off on a huge thing where I don't like dealing with it, I figured I'd give Matt a message, even though he wasn't on facebook much.
And he actually answered pretty fast. -laughs-
Now 3 months later, we have talked from when he gets up, til when he sleeps. Every single day. When he is at work, he still messages me, telling me what is going on, he gets very funny customers. Hahaha. Since I am single, and have only 8 months left, I decided to put together a plan on my life. Nothing better to do. So I ran it through Matt, to make sure it isn't too unrealistic. And he jumped in saying, "I'll move in with you, wanna get out of my home too. We'll split the bills." So yeah, why not right? Would make the moving out and saving a lot faster.
Near the end of September, beginning of October, Matt decided to ask me something important, dealing with his family. If I was willing, next year, to possibly go up north with him and his family to his hometown. Hell yeah, I was willing to go. Hah, I mean road trip with a best friend is something everyone wants to do. I also know if I am back, Matt's mom would have asked me if I wanted to go. She usually asks me to join in things, so shocking Matt did.
So 2 weeks pass, and break starts, and I keep going out with my thesis group, trying to get it done and whatnot, and during the time I still messaged Matt every day. He got upset with me because I kept telling him "I am out on a date" and sent him photos of my thesis paper. -laughs- Apparently, that made him think I didn't take dates seriously. Which I do, but because I just wanted to make a joke. So he ended up telling me "That is not how it works." So he told me that "a date is between people who are interested in each other, stop calling every outing a date." And I complained cause I want dates but since I decided not to date anyone that Sondra, Ileana and Matt doesn't approve of, that kinda gets rid of my dating life. I tend to attract creeps, lesson learned, after Ashe and I stopped dating, all I tend to get afterwards were creeps who end up stalking me or harassing me for sex. So yeah.
That caused Matt to say, "Then think of the road trip as one long date to make up for not dating." And I said okay. Hahah. Cause, why not?
Now skip to a week later, my mom lecturing me on when will I get married, why don't I have a boyfriend yet blahblahblah, and how I was becoming a disappointment to her cause I am becoming 25, and I show no signs of actually moving forward towards a steady relationship. While my mom lectured, I was messaging Matt, cause I tend to just let my mom go on and on while I continue with my life. And he asked what she was lecturing about, and I explained it to him, and his solution "Tell her you are(will be) dating me." So laughing at him, I decided why the heck not, just to get her to stop the lecture. Then a few nights later, while he was at work and I was in bed, talking with him...I forgot how it came up, or something...oh! I was telling him how the landlady's waterboy had asked me out on a date. And he was not happy, so I started teasing him over it, and he said, "What if I was serious about you?"
That question caught me off guard. We been best friends for 10 years. I had a crush on him when I met him, but that wasn't anything, I moved on after like a month, which was high school. Everyone wanted the rebel/emo/emotionally hurting boy to try to make him happy. But I started dating other people, and we were best friends, and have been since I first bullied him.
So I was like, "Hahahah, great joke Matt. You almost had me there." Cause we joke around like that a lot. But then he said, "I am not joking. I am serious." and went on telling me at first, the plans on living together, was just cause he didn't want to live alone (same with me, living alone is boring) but then over time talking, and then with the road trip, he said he started putting thought into it. He said, I was always cute, but due to having so many people around he never tried anything, plus best friend rules that we followed in high school. I didn't like the idea of dating best friends. Broke that rule once with Ashe and look how that ended up. Christian didn't count, I only got close to him AFTER we started dating.
And he said the more and more he thought of things, like plans of traveling, or doing things, the person who came to mind to do it with him was me. (How sweet hahaha) so he told me he wasn't joking over the road trip being a date, and that the whole, "dating him, or will be" wasn't a joke either. Which shut me up for a good half hour. So I had to backtrack on him and ask him so many questions and he said that "you changed, I don't know everything about you anymore. I don't pretend that I do. Do I want to know everything, yes of course I do. But do I need to, no. I just have to accept you for who you are and what comes with you being you."
So then comes the serious talk. Cause he only knows the best friend side of me. Yes he seen me at my worst and dealt with it. But he doesn't know how easily scared I am, how shy and embarrassed I get over the simplest things and when faced in a relationship and I get overwhelmed my first instinct is to run. And he cleverly stated, "I'll keep up as long as you want me to chase you, I will. I know you well enough to know where you may go, so at least I have a starting point in searching. But if you don't mind, may I be the one to keep you from running?"
Hehe....never knew my best friend was a smooth talker. So now every day, he greets me properly with good morning, and good nights. Tells me when he is about to head to work, and when he will be home, sends me random links to things he finds funny, or stuff we have interests in. And randomly he pulls out a cheesy line or calls me cute, or just plain and simple makes me flustered on purpose. Like when I told him I am giving up alcohol, and he said good, "party girl" is not me. So I asked so what kind of girl am I? and he...ugh so cheesily said, "The girl for me." -laughs- The cringe!
So he knows I am not ready for a relationship, and I am iffy on dating a best friend. But he said that he is confident in us working out, and that if I was willing to give him a chance, he will prove that it is worth it.
I told him maybe, to just see how things go, I don't want to get stuck and have my heart broken into million of pieces again. And he knows I am not 100% over my ex. He knows and still chases.
He does fluster me easily now since he openly flirts and whatnot. For the past week, he also been streaming his raid on WoW with is guild to me. His online friends were shocked that Matt changed a lot, and he even cussed them out to get use to it cause I am important to him and once I get back if I was willing to learn how to play then I would be in the guild as well. -laughs- He never asked me if I wanted to learn. But it was actually cute to hear him get flustered and yell at people cause I was listening to him talk.
I can say, I never knew this side of Matt. He is confident, and takes leads in things. He plans and is really smart. He grew up so much from high school. He is still a geek though. But he matured. He is open with his feelings, and well, I never knew he was a smooth talker and had charm. He makes my heart flutter a bit now. And makes me happy that he is willing to wait til I am emotionally ready to be in a relationship again.
So yes. This month as been amazing.