10:35 AM - Wednesday Morning (Home)

Went out to Panglao's Alona's White Beach yesterday with my mom, cousins, atie and sister. Just to do something.  6 starfishes. I found 6 of them.

Of course that was after going to school, and paying bills with my mom. She wanted to see if I actually knew what I was doing, or if I was just saying I did.

She loves to pressure me. So I had to do it with her trailing me with every step.

It was tiring.

My mom wants to go to duero later today, so I am loading up my phone so I can go online. HOPEFULLY it will work the way I want it. Just my luck that it isn't 100% good weather here now that my mom is here. Hahah. But it should. 

Also downloading shows to put on my tablet so my sister and I will have something to watch when everyone is running around crazy over the fiesta. I don't really want to attend it this weekend. But it can't be helped. Though, it will be amazing food, and photos! I will have more photos to post here rather than my face. -laughs- Surely it gets boring to always look at my face.

I miss him. Hopefully he is well. I am always messaging his messenger. Hopefully it isn't annoying him. And that he is happy and that I will get to talk to him soon.

Currently listening to:

7:45 PM - Monday Night (Home)

Everything is here. Three panda, two chokers, and three necklaces.

As well as other stuff like shoes and hair stuff.

Bless my mom for putting up with me and my random needs. Considering I don't have a card here, buying things online makes it really hard. Hahah, so I am actually really thankful my parents and friends put up with me.

I was worried about my mom and sister coming, there was a slightly bad storm here today, lasted half the day! And it was during the time they were coming in. I am always worried about people I love being on planes over the water, or riding boats. I don't want anything to happen to them. Thankfully nothing did.

So, I went to bed late....erm early? I fell asleep around 9am. -laughs- I was waiting for someone to reply, and they never did. So I guess he got busy.

It is okay though. -smiles- He allowed me to stay and talk to him while he was doing something important. Which made me really happy.

I was really tired though. Hahah, I don't even remember what I kept sending him. I think I complained about attention if anything. I become bratty and overly needy when I am sleepy.

Today was a good day. -smiles- Slept with Ace the bear, talked to him until he stopped replying, my mom and sister came home safely, got these cute things. Ember came over and chilled for a bit.

I must say, today was a good day -smiles-

7:30 PM - Sunday Evening

Everyone came home, so there goes my night time swimming plans.

It is fine though.

I cannot wait to get my chokers/necklaces and bags tomorrow. So glad to get new accessories for a change. Something different than the ones I currently wear.

Talked to Sondra a bit, and Sara.

Sara is doing well. She is still getting use to where she lives now. But she is happy.

Sondra, she is still the same old girl I know. I miss her. She always made things better.

I remember back when she and I got close to each other, we would always tell people I am the moon and she is the sun. Heh, because she is a blonde and I am a brunette. Dark and light. She always had the best jokes. While I only have puns and dad jokes. 

Gonna clean up the apartment, and blast music. Gonna boogie the night away.

After I am wide awake.

Currently listening to:

Can't wait to get this necklace tomorrow. 

Also on my list to get for my chokers.

Gonna try and get this when I get a chance

5:58 PM - Sunday Evening (Home)

I just got home not too long ago.

Where did I go? Downtown. 

Why? Nothing better to do.

My cousins, Atie, and my mom's Nun friend disappeared. So I took my house key and decided to go for a walk.

Originally it wasn't suppose to be downtown I was heading, but I wanted to stand and watch the water while I look on from a high point. Since it is the city, mountains are out of the question. So downtown had to do.

I walked there.

My head is spinning. I think the heat got to me. Upside, I finally bought a new black umbrella.

Now I won't worry when school starts about having it and getting lectured by my instructors.

I didn't really do much today.

Just a lot of thinking.

Walking helps me think.

Not over all a bad day.

Got a free cupcake from this sweet elderly man. He said I reminded him of his niece when she was younger, only difference I wore glasses. So I ended up having an interesting chat with him. Thank goodness he knew English, my brain was too tired to do translating for full force.

He even gave me a ride home. Sweet man. Had to be around his late 60s, his grandkid was with him. Was a bit awkward, but yeah. Nothing bad happened. I think he was worried since it was getting late, and there has been a recent rise in crime around the downtown area, he wanted to make sure I was safe. People like him makes me happy to be a Pinay.

I am tired. Beat. 

My head hurts. Maybe I should take a nap?

Maybe.

It was nice to get out of the apartment. I know I'll be lectured about it if my Atie came home and realized I was out. Thankfully  no one was home when I came home. Doubt the checked my room.

If they did someone would have stayed home til I got back.

I may head off to Alona beach to do some night time swimming.

The island that is right next door to the point they built a bridge.

1:04 AM - Saturday Morning (Home)

So, I was correct in thinking my sister was going to get in a relationship with the guy she was going to move in with. Hah, I know her so well, I always know when she has a crush on someone, and she always gets the guy. Always. I am happy for her. She leaves today to go there with him. I am excited that she is starting a whole new life.

My mom is going to leave tomorrow to come here, hope all goes well. My mom's family already knows she is coming. Though they think she will be here today. -laughs- My mom was originally suppose to be here today, late today, but she didn't get the flight so she comes Monday afternoon. So later today, I know my cousins and aunt here in the apartment will be shocked because it was the gossip of the town, so they came here to meet with her....because they want something from her. They literally made up so many excuses to why they were staying in the apartment this weekend, instead of attending my cousin's wedding. They really think my mom will be here and that we all will go to the wedding, nope. That isn't happening.

Today was the last day of my summer classes. Passed all my classes, I got good grades, and I didn't study at all. That makes me think that it was either too easy, or that I actually am selling myself too short on my intelligence.

Ember took Sam and I out for lunch today. Her way of thanking us for "putting up" with her. I told her it wasn't problem. I think it was basically her worried since I didn't eat since yesterday at 10:30am, and it wasn't much. I was busy with class things. Since the class relies on me to do things for them. In fact I haven't properly slept these past few days. So many assignments, then helping everyone with theirs. I told them to send before 10PM or 11PM at the latest if they wanted me to edit and reformat things for them, but I would get things so early in the morning, and I feel bad turning people away when they need my help, so I sacrificed my sleep to get school things done for everyone. And Ember noticed that I was running thin because everyone was pulling me in so many directions during Health Education with our compilation of our assignments.

So she took me out. She also wanted me to confront the guy who was fixing her phone, it has been almost a month and it still isn't working, even though he kept telling her it will work. I spoke to him, and he promised a full refund and a free case if it isn't working by Monday evening. That made her happy. Sam is in Cebu this weekend. Her family is all over there, I forgot what the reason was, she kept telling me, but I been too tired to pay full attention to her.

Anyways, in Informatics class, one of the instructors, Mam Tubio our lab instructor, she kept gushing about my digital artwork, she loves how I layer things and how "professional" my fake copies of hospital data records look. Little does she know, I did most of it on programs she never heard of, just to save my time and effort. Hahah, she asked what art program I used for my advertisement, which is Paint Tool SAI, and she didn't know what that was.

I also ended up doing free virus removal on everyone's USB, just as a final nice act for the class. 

Afterwards, Ember and I ended up listening to music on Sam's Ipad. We went down our childhood songs. We both agreed on a few songs. She is also a major Owl City fan, she made me listen to Vanilla Twilight, and I like that song now. I am also going to teach her how to sign Fireflies because she is interested in learning a song. We also realized we both like The Cab. Hahah, we ended the day singing Disney songs. FINALLY someone who would sing with me without having to sing perfectly. Sam, and JC always need to sing on key and they get upset if they mess up. I just love singing it and making funny voices while doing so. Ember enjoys it too. So that was a lot of fun for us. 

We didn't stay the whole class period, we were let out early. 

I still haven't talked to him.

Yes, I know I shouldn't complain, but I miss him! So much. Hah.

I hope he is well. I miss him constantly on messenger, he is still signed on, so I am sure he is just busy, after all he still has clinicals, and he also has a term paper due, so he must be buried in work and such. I hope he rests well and stays safe.

I do wish I get to talk to him, like last week, I got to talk to him everyday. I love that. I love waking up to talk to him, and falling asleep in pillow paradise, thinking of him puts me at ease. I am always late though. Heheheheh. 

Anyways, enough complaining! It does no one any good.

So currently listening to:

12:45 AM - Friday Morning (Home)

Tomorrow....erm, today is my last day of my summer classes.

FINALLY! The six weeks are up. Though, I only have 3 weeks of no classes. First semester of school is June 13th. Hopefully I make it to third year.

I have been busy getting everything ready for today. -sighs- So tired.

I took 2 finals yesterday. I only have one today. English. So it shouldn't be too hard.

Though I will be in school most of the day, to close my CER, turn in my requirements for my classes, etc. That dealio. I hate it, the third years are a always put ahead of us, even if we were there first. Why? Because they are going into their 4th year, they are more important than us 2nd years going into 3rd year.

Today wasn't all that good, but it wasn't all that bad.

I was mainly busy doing charts. Most of my classmates has been sending me their charts. Since it needs to be on Microsoft Access, and not on Word, they send it to me so I can put all of their work on it. And they way they did it, I can't just copy and paste it. Takes forever to do all of it. I don't mind it, but sometimes I do get tired.

I already know they are taking advantage of me. They aren't at all thankful to me helping them. They just say they are, but when I need help, I already know they won't really help me out. At least not the help I need. They don't really know how to do much. They are smart, but throw technology at them they are like toddlers...well actually toddlers nowadays know how to do things. Hah.

I am just tired. I took a long nap yesterday during my break, because I was up all night as well, doing the exact same thing.

I know I haven't been posting a lot on here.

There are two reasons for that.

1.) He has made it super clear he wants me to be able to freely talk to him. -smiles- So I have been.

2.) I have been busy as of lately.

So thank goodness today is the last day. 

I estimate about half an hour on my exam and then I am done. All I would be doing the rest of the day is passing my requirements to each teacher during class time.

I will have to bring my laptop. I don't want to bother to show the teachers my assignments on the school's computer, the one I am assigned to always freezes so it makes it nearly impossible to open things from my USB. I will head home during break and take a nap like yesterday and then go to my last class with my laptop.

A few more days until my mom comes.

I have to get a hold of her. Since my aunt and two cousins came back, to enroll in high school for this school year.

Jennibie will be going to Duero after her last class, but the others plan on staying here. I am not spilling the fact my mom is coming, they would expect handouts from her. No. My mom isn't their money tree. She isn't even my money tree. Hahaha. Thank goodness for odd jobs I did throughout high school and whenever I was back in the states. Else my mom wouldn't let me live it down the fact she is paying for my education. We pay 50/50, though she takes care of my living expenses. It was a deal she and I had from when I was a kid. Since she really wanted one of her daughters to study in her home country.

Just two more years. Then I can leave and be home.

I just want to go home.

I miss being home.

I love it here, but it is different.

I am sleepy! I still have assignments I have to do. -sighs-

I haven't even talked to him today, and yesterday. I suppose he is busy. I really do want to talk to him.

I send him messages, just to annoy him a bit, but I have to focus on my assignments. I am free tomorrow to bother him. Even if he isn't actually online, he gave me permission to message as much as I want. -smiles-

I miss him.

So much.

He better be okay.

My ankle hurts.

My cousin is at fault for that. I think she caused me to sprain it. Not fun. Makes walking my normal fast speed to get things done hard. Hopefully it will heal soon enough.

Wish me luck for today.

I hope I can talk to him. -smiles-

I always want to talk to him.

11:08 PM - Tuesday Night (Home)

It has been a few days since I last posted in here.

I been quite busy with schooling, and talking with him. And dealing with my classmates.

I am never going to let them bully me into being class representative ever again. It is killing me ever so slowly.

Today the Nursing classes were cancelled, meaning after I picked up my form from Tony I went home. Yay for that. Seriously. I am getting sick and tired of the summer classes. I hate having to listen to them talk about computers and then come to me for help. I love working on computers/laptop anything really. But I hate having to explain things to them. 

Questions like, "How did you make that picture move on powerpoint?" "Where did you get that background?" "How did you layer that assignment?" "What program did you use?"

Even if I wanted to tell them what program to use they don't have it. The school computers only have paint for anything art related. Do they really think I will spend my time sitting and making a mess on their "libre office"? They don't even have real office, and the ones who do, it isn't even the actual one, it is a torrented version from the internet, which makes it really hard to do anything properly.

And as for being teachers, I find it really hard to take them seriously, since I have to help with everything.

I get it, I know more. I used computers since I was a kid, but it isn't my fault. My dad was...is a computer geek, and it slightly rubbed off on me.

Thankfully last week.

What is killing me, is the fact that Tony isn't stepping up as the actual class rep. I am the vice representative, Tony's right hand person to help get things done. But all he has ever done is tell me to do it instead. He is too tired from partying, or he just doesn't feel like going to school. He wants to relax and rest. He doesn't even take all the classes because the Dean credited his classes from the states. Yet she won't for me. So I am stuck taking the stupid classes again.

Like today, Tony texted me to tell the class to pick up the forms. Okay, I did. Since I am with them and he isn't and it is expensive to text 45 students. To which I think I scared my English teacher since he never heard me talk loudly before. My classmates are use to it. I project my voice loudly if I want everyone to quiet down, thanks for drama club/class for teaching me how to speak very loudly without hurting my voice. Hahahaha. 

After that was done, at 1:30 in the afternoon Tony messages me saying, "Tin, I am tired can you attend the meeting with the C.Is? Ask them to bring the unsigned forms, and what to do for the assignments."

...seriously. I didn't even have the forms. So I had to basically go on a wild goose chase for section b's rep, so I can get the papers for her, and not surprising, half the papers were with Tony. So not only did I have to pay travel fare to go downtown to see the rep from the other section I had to go to Tony's place, then go back to school. -sighs- I hate going downtown, they always charge more than they should, just because I am not from there. Downside to being white. Also, it wasn't surprising to me that Tony wasn't even home. So after waiting for 10 minutes, I gave up and went to school with what I had, and talked with the instructors.

After 20 minutes or so, Tony comes in and complains how I never went to his place. I wanted to smack him. I hate being told last minute to do things, more so having to wait for people who say they will be there when they are not.

I like him, but sometimes he is just annoying.

I love the fact Sam has someone now. She is happy. I love it. But she is relying on me too much.

I am constantly having to remind her things, and she never replies to anything I send her anymore, and when I tell her something in class to remember to do later, she forgets. Why? Because she is on the phone with her girlfriend.

She often complains how I am on my phone talking to him.

The only difference is, I do pay attention to what is around me, what is being said. I just don't respond right away unless I really have to.

I never forgotten an assignment, I haven't turned anything in late, and I make sure to do everything I need to do.

She doesn't. Even if I message her to remind her, the next morning she is like, "Shit! Fuck! I forgot! I didn't check your message because I was on the phone with Babe."

-frowns- Again, happy about her newly found Babe, but she can't always make me do things. I get tired of people copying off my homework. I stay up late just to do it, to research and whatnot.

My forms are all signed though! Thank goodness! Bless Yna's heart for taking my long form last week because her mom advised to use her name and status to get signatures. It worked.

So today I got my evaluation done by Mam Apale. Thanks to being late because of Tony, I almost didn't. But I guess she felt bad or something for me. I think I had annoyed her too much last week. When she saw me take out my form, she gave such a heavy sigh, I felt like she didn't want to deal with me anymore. But she let me be the last-last person she did before returning to the meeting.

Thank you Mam! I need to get her a cake or something as a thanks. Maybe I should bake her something.

I know...again, I know I said I wouldn't talk about him...but I can't help myself.

I seriously do love him.

Even if he doesn't know it. Or something.

I do.

Everything about him.

He is my person. Tied right up there with Sondra.

He knows more about me than she does.

He wants me to feel free to tell him anything, talk about anything.

I already feel that. But I am really bad at wording things. I was never one who can smoothly express what I am thinking, and I get flustered easily, which sometimes causes me to act childish.

But he is amazing. More than he knows.

When I talk to him, it is almost as if everything fades away. I can hear what is going on, I see it. But it is almost as if it is not there.

I have problems sleeping, and when I talk about our little place, and about sleeping there with him in dream world, he tells me I should. It helps me sleep. Sometimes it doesn't always make my dreams amazing, but it calms my racing mind down where I can sleep almost right away.

He doesn't know the affect he has on me.

I just...I still love him.

Even if he just wants to be friends.

I am happy that I gotten to talk to him so much these past few days. It made my day go by quickly, and made me realize many things.

Even though today wasn't at all the good day I planned, I am glad I found time to write here. Writing here eases me as well, mainly from my racing heart. -smiles-

I have to do my English assignment so I don't have to go in as early as I normally do.

My feelings over forms signed, and having to talk to him.
Makes my tiring day bearable.

7:36 PM - Friday Evening (Bed)

I just realized it is Friday the 13th!

It is also Sondra's birthday today. -laughs- The irony of it all.

I took another nap.

So...I know I said I wouldn't write about him. But for most of this week, we talked to each other. It was interesting. And very surprising. I wasn't expecting to be able to talk to him that much.

It made me smile, and calmed me down during class time.

I am also going to use him Monday.

You know how people say, "Picture someone you like being there", for certain things.

Well I realized I rarely talk about what I am passionate about, my likes and such to my class. They don't know what I like and dislike. I am actually uncomfortable with talking about something important to me, something that I love, and whatnot.

So I am going to pretend I am telling him instead. Since I tell him everything. Almost everything.

I lost my "secret" journal. I can't find it, so the two entries written in there are lost. I remember what is in it, but I do hope I find it.

Not to write in, but just to find. Maybe one day tell him what those two entries are. Since I can tell him anything. -smiles- Even if he is a jerk, he means well....most of the time. Hahahah.

I feel better. I think when I woke up, I felt sick-ish was because I didn't eat anything all day.

I just woke up about 10 minutes ago. Yes, I blog really quickly after I awake. Thus most of my posts are early morning where I am.

Anyways, my cousin made me eat because she knew I skipped breakfast, and found me sleeping during my break. -laughs- So I guess she put two and two together faster than I did, and I am the nursing student.

But I feel better. Glad it was just hunger pains and nothing else.

Still a bit sleepy, so I am going to take a short hour nap again.

Just wanted to post because I am really close to the other blog. 

It is my goal to get this blog back up to having more posts than the conjoined one.

3:44 PM - Friday Afternoon (Informatics)

Today was...interesting.

I didn't sleep last night. I ended up staying awake all night long, doing assignments. Though I finished mine a little after 2 AM, Sam was no where near done with her assignments. Same with Ember. Since I am the one who is able to do it easily, I decided to help them out.

Didn't finish theirs, but half way done.

Going to help out more tonight, though when I get home I am going to go to sleep.

I went home during my 3 hour break, because I was very sleepy. And because I wanted to sleep and have something on my mind.

Which was all and well, until I thought I was late for my afternoon class.

I wasn't of course.

Though I woke with bad cramps in my abdominal area.

I can't skip informatics. Since it is a major class not a minor. Even if I do nothing in this class. I still have to attend. Attendance is mandatory. -shakes head- It sucks because it is slightly a waste of my time. I blog instead of doing my assignments, why because the programs on the school computers suck. They freeze up so easily, and it gets annoying to use.

Basically, I just do everything at home when I get home. Takes me much less time than it would in class.

Which is why I like staying up late. Besides, I am more comfortable in the dark. 

I am going to rest my head for now.

6:01 PM - Thursday Evening (Home)

Success! Talked to Apale without crying.

She ended up talking to me about it because it is a problem with a lot of students right now.

And she said she will do the evaluation paper, but not sign off until last minute so SHE can do the signatures since the hospital wants an instructor.

Which, meant I needed my notebook, and PCR forms...which I didn't have, and I told her to wait in the office while I go get it. She was shocked that I was willing to go out in the heat and go home and hurry back before my next class. It left me with only 30 minutes. I made it back within 15 minutes. But there were people ahead of me, because they were doing theirs. Ember was completely shocked because when I left she was writing, and when I came back she thought she would be done. And Tony asked what took me so long, and I laughed because he knows where I live, and I told him I needed to trick my goat, so I got him food. Which is true. My cousin didn't get him lunch, so thankfully I had went back and got him food. 

Apale was so confused. I forgot I never told her about my pet goat. And she asked if I ran or road a tricycle. Which made me laugh. My knee is still in awful pain from the constant popping Tuesday. So I wouldn't run on it, and at that time of day, no tricycles would be driving around where I live. So I walked. She asked where I lived and I told her. The look on her face! She asked how I made it back in 15 minutes. I stared at her and said, "I can kick my walking into high gear if need to be."

She didn't know what I meant, and I explained to her I use to speed walk for my country's track and field, so walking to my apartment and back would not take me a long time. Walking normal speed, it would be half an hour total. 15 minutes to the office, and 15 minutes back. Walking speed when I go to class in the morning, usually about 8 minutes, because it is on the third floor, so no going up or down the building. Walking speed when I am late, usually 5 minutes flat. -laughs-

Even though it was already time, she quickly told everyone I am the last one, doesn't matter if I had just came, she didn't want my walking to be a waste. Which I had told her it wasn't a problem. I had done it before, and sure to do it again because I always leave something at home, or someone needs something and they ask to borrow from me since I am closer or because I can get it faster.

Which is fine with me. I like walking. 

Ember FINALLY took her midterm, and she took over my phone after I talked to him today.

She was waiting eagerly for my conversation with him to be over. She likes to go on instagram to talk to her guy friends. She has a lot of them, and she misses going on her phone. She knows she shouldn't "annoy" me about going online by my phone, but I keep telling her it is fine. She waits until I am done, and gives it back when I want it. But she feels bad because it has been two weeks of using my phone and me spending more and more on data than I usually do. So she wants to get me a small gift, again, for not getting mad at her.

It isn't a problem. She usually just makes me look...erm, stalk, guys she finds hot with her. She likes showing me things on her facebook or her instagram. So I don't mind much. 

I am just glad she and I are getting along this well. Though she still thinks it is because I pity her. I don't.  I like being her friend, though I am sure if she was her high school self, that would be different.

She also did my eyes during informatics. She, like everyone else here, loves my eyes because they are brown, and not dark brown like they are use to seeing here. So when she uses black on my waterlines it pops my eyes out into a golden-ish color. Which is what most people here like. I know Andrew said it is enchanting to look at. And even Gerald said that it is amazing because it is hard to stop looking at the color. -laughs- Nice to know if it comes down to it, I can trap people with my brown eyes.

Ember and Sam can't understand how my lashes end up looking like falsies after using only mascara, not the thick overly done falsies, just the long falsies for every day usage. Ember loves how they come out. We made Sam put on lipstick, pink lipstick, because she kept complaining how she isn't pretty compared to us. Pink works on her. Ember asked what color for lipstick I like using, I told her "either bright red, or a dark color." She laughed because she figured I would say that. 

OH!!! Health education was too much.

Everyone thinks I am secretly sexually active because I kept jumping in asking questions, and questioning what they would say, of course backing it up with "opinions and facts". They didn't realize it was actually Ember who was whispering to me what to ask and say because she really really wanted to know stuff, and it ended up Patch doing the same with me.

So it was funny since I would raise my hand, and Andrew would laugh because I wasn't actually suppose to be asking questions, the group who was their participants were. But since they didn't know what to ask, they allowed an open floor.

I also think Ember is trying to push the two of us together for some reason. She always points him out to me, and in informatics, she would call him, and he would smile and wink at me. It is quite weird. But I am nearly sure he does it to every girl. Though he keeps asking when I will go out drinking with them again. He won't let me live it down the ONE time I was drinking with him I vomited and he had to mop it up and give me water. -frowns- It wasn't my fault Gerald wasn't watching me and allowed me to over drink. Seriously, who lets a girl drink 3 bottles of rum by herself without a catcher? That in itself is insanity. I could have gotten drunk. And it will never happen again.

I just got off the phone with my mom. -laughs- Apparently, semi-naked Tina wasn't what she was expecting when I answered. I love my mom so much. She finally booked her ticket here! I am so excited, and worried about it. I always worry when people I care for fly. But excited. She is going to be here on the 23rd. And she said we will stay in the city for a day before we go see Grandma. Meaning I won't get yelled out for being the devil's child....because the devil herself would be there. -laughs- And she is going to confront the woman who is dragging on the drama back in the town.
But I am excited to see my mom, and so glad she decided to come after classes end, unlike last time where she came the final week, so I wasn't able to spend much time with her.
She said she will try to contact Uncle Serge, so we can go to the island he is currently living on, just for a day trip. I am looking forward to it because I been wanting to see that island, forgot the name to it, for years now. My mom left me behind last two times she went there because it was for business purposes, not for enjoyment...though she seemed to have enjoyed it a lot.
It isn't set in stone, so it might not even happen, but I am excited to see her. -smiles-
Today...was a good day. Not a great day since there were bad moments...like almost getting hit by a truck when walking home this evening. And a bird pooping on my shoulder, and of course my pre-freak out about talking to Mam Apale, then my freak out in informatics since I was the only group member present in class.
But it was, over all a good day.
Started out good, ended good. That is all that matters.

It is the little things

That bring the biggest surprise to me. 

Jhens gave me a panda eraser/pencil sharpener!
It is super duper cute!
She says it is a thank you gift for always lending things to her and for always being helpful.
I love it.
Panda items will always have a soft spot in my heart.

So...english class, the speeches changed to something we like instead of a formal speech.
Why?!
I don't know what to talk about now!
I like so many things.
People, animals, books, randon stuff, pandas.
I don't know what to pick from such a broad area.

So apparently there is a small rumor about Marco and I having a thing.
How does that even start?
We barely talk. We don't interact with each other.
I swear people here just love to do coupling within the  class. Annoying yet funny.
Sorry but he is not even an adult, and I am already in a relationship.
With myself.

I am sleepy.
Hope today will go smoothly.
Nervous about talking to Apale.

7:08 AM - Thursday Morning

I don't wanna go to school.

I am sleepy still.

Passed out, so I just quickly put together the last of my assignment.

Can't believe I am going to suffer for 6 more days in English. I cannot wait until we actually do our speeches. That is the ONLY thing I am looking forward to in that class. I am going to be really upset if he changes his mind about it.

Considering we haven't done anything that had  to do with giving speech, but rather on how to correctly say words. I feel like I am back in elementary school in that class.

I need to get data, since I will be doing nothing all day.

Got to keep myself busy with something.

I hope Ember remembers to go to the hospital and tries to get things signed. I WILL talk to Apale today. I don't care if she is in a rush to leave, I am going to talk to her.

The stress of my long form is going to kill me. I know it.

My feelings towards our last hope on our forms. Hahaha.....

9:04 PM - Wednesday Night (Home)

So, taking a break from my assignments, I decided to lay down because my eyes were

 hurting.

Understandable, considering how tired I have been all day, not counting my random hyper moment during informatics.

I go to the chair downstairs, relaxing and trying to ease my head and get like a 10 minute nap session going. And apparently a spider decided it would be a nice time to bite my ear. -laughs-

Thank goodness it isn't a dangerous spider, quite harmless. No venom, but it still was a shock and it was painful.  

At least I am a little more awake than I originally was. Hahaha.

Finished with half of my assignments. If I just do everything when I am suppose to then I would not be behind on my assignments. Tsk tsk, I have to pick up the slack. 

Sucky life or not, I still have to at least get summer over with.

I also think I broke my powerbank....Poor thing,just going to buy a new one later on if it doesn't start working.

I hate using my cellphone to post on my blog. But Jennibie needs to do research on something so she has my tablet. I am getting my laptop fixed tomorrow. She takes way too long to do her researching. A simple research assignment that would take an hour or so takes her 4 to 5 hours! I can't handle that. I am on my cell all day at school, expect in informatics.

So I like not being on it. I like being on my laptop, but my tablet is better than my phone. -shakes head- I need to remember to drop the laptop off at the repair shop tomorrow during my long break. I already asked Ember the cost and how long so I should get it tomorrow after class if they don't have many things going on. And besides, I will try and use my "American" charm and see if they can move me ahead of a few people. 

Right now this is my favorite gif quote from this show.

5:51 - Wednesday Evening (Home)

My head is spinning.
I had to dance today, with Ember as my partner. It was to the song, "Chicken dance". Yes, the kids song. We had to do the actual dance.

It was too funny because the group doing the health teaching on breastfeeding didn't realize that it gets faster and faster. So they were staring with a shocked look. And I was laughing at them telling them to keep up. Yes. I take pride in being able to perfectly dance that dance. I babysat too many children and toddlers, there is no way I wouldn't do it perfectly.

Boc, he is going to work with me on my Binisayan version for my group. Since I don't know the casual terms. He was the group leader for the group today, and next Monday this group will be the participants of my group's health teaching. I am pretty excited about it. Hahah, teaching two boys about dysmenorrhea. That will be very interesting.
The instructor just saw my powerpoint for my group and she is awe struck by what I did on it. I will never tell her my secrets to how I make things overly creative.
Number one rule of Health teaching or any type of teaching over here: Be creative.
Which is why other groups aren't happy that I am always with the same group. I become creative, just to top them.
I talked to Sam's girl. She said I sounded high, which I am not. I took some medicine at the clinic. Go nursing instructors for having meds and just giving them out to students. -laughs-
It calmed my stomach down, I don't feel like vomiting at all. Hopefully the stress/worry about my long form will disappear. I am really worried about that. Because I skipped English, I missed meeting up with Mam Apale to discuss with her the problem many of us are facing.
Ember is going to the hospital tomorrow morning to see if she can get some signatures. She is taking Sam's and my long forms with her so, just in case, the staff nurse is in a good mood, she will sign us off and that will be the end of it.
Next week is the last week of classes. And it feels like it started just last week.
To think how quickly this summer course passed. I am shocked.
Patricia is also feeling better. She at least ate a meal. After she talked to me, she felt better. I am glad I could help her. Though that time is was when I was home and tired from my angry.

He apologized.
Again.
This morning. Which I was sleeping.
I know I said that I wouldn't write about him on here. But that was unexpected.
He is still a jackass. But I am glad he is at least trying to be less of one.
He needs to realize, I am here. I am always going to be here. He can piss me off, but I adore him. More than he knows. Even if I still want to slap his pretty face for making me think the worse of the worse about something.
But I am glad he apologized. Truthfully, I am happy about it.
My life always suck.,..always, and it's no one's fault. As tiring as my life is, I wouldn't trade it. Even if I joke about running away and having a new identity. I wouldn't. I am me. I like being me.
I also like having a certain someone alive.

Okay, I am hungry. Only an hour left of this class.
And this blog is now behind the conjoined blog. -frowns- I finally caught up and now I am behind again. Grrr.
Oh well.

I am really hungry. I skipped lunch to be with Ember.
Sam was with the group, but Ember wasn't invited. So I stayed with Ember. As much as I like London Bridge, they are hard to get along with right away. The groups have been made, and Ember was just a little too late to the party. She thinks I stayed behind because I pitied her. I don't. She always goes home. I wanted to be with her, one on one. Get to know the REAL Ember.
She was really happy I am her friend. She feels like no one is her friend here. Apparently, I am the only one who is nice to her because I want to be, not because she is part of the class.
She said if she remembers she will buy me donuts tomorrow. I want apples. Gala apples. She is going to look for sweet Gala apples for me.
Ember made me feel better about life but just talking it out, and then she relies on me for so much. I am always willing to help her out.
More so when it is about schooling. No one else helps her.
She doesn't even have a way to go online to talk to people for help for now. She feels embarrassed to ask others in class to go on their phone to check her emails and such. She wanted to use my phone during health education, but I was using it. So she waited until informatics to ask. She is welcomed to use my phone, since she doesn't go through my messaging app. So I trust her enough. She always informs me if I get a message from someone.
She is thankful that I helped....cover up something for her. I felt really bad about helping with it. But I didn't want her to be left behind. Thankfully, me being there had helped more than we thought it would. It was a little too easy. Whenever the instructors ask why I accompany Ember to certain places, I always tell them I am making sure she gets things done.
They already have been shocked that she has been showing up and doing her assignments. A major change from how she was last year. She is suppose to be going into fourth year, but nope. Repeated second year. Same with Gerald.
She kept talking like a valley girl/cheerleader. It was really...annoying. We had came to a conclusion that if we had gone to the same high school, we would have never talked. If anything I would have caused her problems. Hah.
I am glad she and I have been getting close like we are. She is a really cool person.
I even told her about my emotional/mental breakdown during second sem., where it freaked everyone out. She was shocked, she thought I was really level headed about everything.
My knee still hurts, and my head is spinning.
But assignments must get done, and I have a lot of it.

Headache, abdominal pain.

So I am going to be skipping English. Yay...(sarcastic yay) now I will be even more behind in that idiotic class. 

Whatever. My head is pounding. And I have no idea why.

I feel crappy today. Not emotionally either. Emotionally I feel drained and empty.

Health wise I feel crappy. My throat hurts, and my head is spinning. I wish I could take the day off...but stupid presentations in my nursing classes, so I can only skip one class.

Maybe I bit off more than I could chew this time around. Hah.

Looks like I am weaker than I thought.

Or maybe this is a sign my body is breaking down and I am dying.

Joking about that. Highly doubt I am dying. Well we all are dying, but I met...nevermind.

I don't care if my group gets worried I am not that. I don't feel well.

I had a nightmare last night, this morning, whatever time I ended up passing out.

I really hate having them. I don't have them often.

As much as I can handle horror, I can't seem to ever handle bad dreams. The irony.

I am going to lay back down before I vomit from my room spinning.

But at least, finally caught this blog up to the other one.

Worry. Always worrying. Never stops.

Thanks Sara. Thanks for worrying me half to death with your dog attack. I know it is much worse than it looks. Barely missing a major tendon in your wrist! Everyone makes light of it. I know I do. But I know she knows it has me worried. She is an artist. That is her right hand. If she is unable to use it...-sighs- She claims it is fine, and she is laughing it off. One centimeter closer to the tendon and the wrist is done for, and she knows she can't afford another surgery until after her big move. And with my mom preparing to come here, and everything going on with my family. Seriously Sara think a little. You work with stray dogs that attack you at work. Why in the world would you protect Mayu with your hand?! Think a little. I hate being away from home. I hate it so much. I know I am very careless with myself, for sake's fuck, I kept re-hurting my weak knee all day long. But I have a higher pain tolerance than her. She can't even stand needles. We don't even know if the dog had rabies, or anything. And she doesn't even want to get checked because she is almost sure it didn't. Since she didn't see any signs of it. 

She doesn't see why it worries me.

I fucking had to study diseases, and I was forced to get the rabies shot. I am the only one in my family to have the shot. It worries my mom like crazy to think of a slight chance of me getting rabies, even though I had already gotten the vaccine for it. 

Pete's sake, I almost got Hep. B! I want to shake Sara until she understand how worriesome it is that she just won't get checked to be sure. Or just get the shots. She works with animals all day long! I am shocked she hasn't been told to get a rabies shot. 

I know, I know, I know...rabies aren't that big in the states. That's not the point! Anything, anything bad usually happens to my family, our track record with stuff is an awful one. And she is playing a dangerous game.

Yes. I already know I am over reacting to it. I am her sister. I get to. I over react to everything.

I care. I care too damn much about every single person I know. And it sucks! I can't just turn away from anyone I consider close.

Even if I am tired, even if I don't feel anything. I still worry.

All I ever do is worry.

I worry about my studies.

I worry about life.

People I know.

Idiots I know.

Jackasses I know.

If I pinched a nerve in my knee whenever I feel it move weirdly.

I worry when my mom doesn't answer my calls.

I worry when I don't hear back from certain people.

I just worry.

It will become the death of me.

I will worry myself to death.

THIS TIME OVER MY SISTER! She wants me to give her tips on how to keep the wound all clean to prevent infection. She wants to video call so I can show her how. I can't. I just. I can't.

If it was her arm, yeah no problem.

But her wrist?! She is nuts. It is like if something happened to...wow...I cannot think of any talent I have that would be bad if something crippled me. Hahah, I am talent-less. That serves to show, I am barely good for anything.

But her. She is amazing. Two hours, she can paint amazing art, she can build things. She can do anything. It is her stress reliever. Just like this blog for me.

One day...one day I will just lose my mind, and that will be the end of it.

I do hope she will be okay. She never truly says how badly something is until it is too late.

5:37 PM - Tuesday Afternoon (Home)

After having an attitude just about all day, I ended up in a phone call, via facebook messenger, with my friend Patricia from California. She is currently in Cebu. One of the other islands here in the Philippines. She was having a bad day, and really wanted to talk to Sam and I to help her cheer up a bit. 

Of course, Sam was watching out for her, and informed I was not in the mood for dealing with life so I wouldn't be of any help to her.

Which I suppose made her sad or something because Sam ended up handing me her phone with a worried look. I talked to her for a good...30 minutes? It was right before Informatics started.  And she was just crying on the phone. I just sat there listening to her apologizing for wanting to talk to me, and how she knows my life is not going well, and how she knows I am not at all happy and cheerful but she needed to hear my voice.

Ember had said something about my voice being comforting, and that it makes her even feel at ease, and I guess that is what Patricia wanted. I sounded like home to her. Being in another country and not really speaking the language, it is always lonely. I get lonely. So people like me gather to each other to make it slightly less lonelier. In my case though, I don't fit in with the students from the states. They are all from the west coast. I am from the east coast. Only student from Florida. But they all still go to me if they need to talk. I get annoyed, but...even though I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything, I talked to Patricia and put my feelings aside. Like I always do. I listened and comforted her. I am sure that she could tell it was forced because she was more guarded than she normally would have been. But she calmed down from crying and wanting to kill herself. Though she can't wait to go home. She is reassured that it is okay to drop out of schooling, that nursing isn't what is important, that her happiness was.

I didn't look crappy today. Which is a really good thing. It is hard to look good when everything is going wrong and I just want to disappear and never come back.

But I forced myself to wake up earlier, just to style my hair. And in my opinion, it came out really well. Everyone loved my hair, though some wanted to see my messy curls. But the over all effect was good. Ember is also forcing me to use her pink lip tint. She said my lips looked so pale, which isn't usual for me. I have a natural glow. Pinkish cheeks and pinkish lips. Which both weren't there. She said I was pretty but in a different way. A non-Christina way. Like I wasn't alive. Which I laughed. Ember is too much sometimes. She also shared an apple with me since I refused to eat. SHE gets worried over me not eating, but she doesn't eat anything for days. -shakes head.

My friend Jesalinne, she was selling cheese mini muffins. She calls them mini cupcakes, but it isn't cute, so I refer to them as muffins. She was selling them, really cheaply, but she just gave them to me. 7 mini muffins. I didn't even ask. I am pretty sure she was worried I would lecture, yell or refuse to take part in things because of my attitude most of the day. Which makes no sense. Even if I am in a bad mood, I would not let it affect my grade. For example, I am the one doing the powerpoint for our group project, because I know the little tricks and they don't. I like going beyond what is expected for my assignments.

But I am glad I got the muffins. Sam really needed them. She was pretty much walking around basically dead. She didn't get enough sleep thanks to being up all night talking on her phone, like usual. So I figured cheese plus snack would make her a little bit more awake. She was happy about it. She loves cheese. And she should. Cheese is good.

Dindi and Price also were using my phone. And just like everyone else, they go right to my photos, and camera. It is a natural thing here. Everyone uses everyone's phone. They take selfies and just leave it, and everyone just posts it online for them to get later on. 

They never done it on my phone, because they were always concerned I would get upset since I am constantly on it. But I don't mind it. I have a ton of selfies of Yna, Jhens, Patch, Sam, Pamu, Anna, and a lot of other classmates. So it was the first time for them. I know I leave my selfies all over the place. Andrew has a few of mine, Fritz too. Yna has a lot of them. Sam, duh. 

It is the norm. I am glad they feel close enough to me to do something like that. Though it started because they were worried I was mad at them for doing the whole powerpoint by myself. 

Never. I find joy in doing mindless tasks.

So...I am not angry anymore. I am not happy either.

I am just...existing right now.

1:06 PM - Tuesday Afternoon Nursing Informatics

Sam and Ember are the best. Making sure that my temper stays in check For the most part. 

I slowly stopped snapping at many people during Health Education.

And for my long form that needs to be signed, Sam and I will be going to talk to Apale tomorrow. Hopefully she will be at least understanding towards our slightly issue about it. If she doesn't at least try to offer help more than half of my level will not make it to third year. I will even PAY her to go to the hospital ever day. I don't care any more. I WANT MY FORM SIGNED!

The instructors are more friendlier with Sam and I, Sam because she is an instructor's daughter for nursing, and her mom is the level 3 head. And nicer to me because I always seem...as Yna's mom put it, "perfect". I am the ideal student the instructors want. I rarely miss their classes, and always do things the way they want or more than how they want it.

Which is a good thing. The more I stay on their good side, the more freedom I can get. Which works out well. If I am late or I miss a class, they don't really question me. If I am not in the mood, they are more than willing to understand my feelings.

It is a good things since the class tends to rely on me for stuff. Almost every day I am asked if they can borrow my stapler, or my tape, or my scissors. Something. Even the instructors. They don't even come prepared to class. I am Mary Frickin' Poppins when it comes to my bag. 

Which is both a good and bad thing. My bag is always heavy, and I know my classmates take advantage of me having everything. Sam does sometimes. When she doesn't want to carry her stuff, or it can't fit in her bag, she will ask to put it in my bag. I am always carrying the heavy stuff, or everything. I don't mind much, But it is starting to cause pain in my shoulders, which is slightly hurting my back, I still can't fully slouch yet. <

Sara seems to be doing well.

I really don't want to be in informatics. It is so boring. I already know how to type and do things. I swear I feel like an adult against everyone in this class. The instructors don't even bother with me and my assignments anymore because when it is due, I will have it done to how they want it.

We are doing a stupid final group project. I don't like group projects. I always end up doing everything. With alphabetical ordering of groupings, I am always placed in the same group, so I know their strengths and weaknesses, and the other groups don't find it fair, since when it comes to speaking in front of people, I am perfectly fine doing it. As well, as the fact I am always there to jump in when they get stuck. So I become a master in whatever topic we report on the day of, and then forget about everything afterwards. So talented I am.

I am too tired. Too much going on in my life that I have put off from just not wanting to do it yesterday, and now I shall suffer. I also didn't get enough rest. I kept waking up. I am going to put off horror movies/shows for a while. My heart kept pounding and I just felt...out of place in my bed. Didn't help I didn't know where my cousin was. She didn't show up until 7am this morning. I am not sending her to Duero anymore. She keeps showing up late for her class. She was suppose to come Monday evening. Last bus out is at 8pm, so she would have been home around 9 or 10, depending on how many people and stops it had to make. But no. She didn't. She waited until first bus in the morning. IT IS A 2 HOUR BUS RIDE! She is nuts. And she keeps complaining on being tired.

I am tired. I am tired of being a good girl. I am tired of people telling me what to do. I am just tired of being me right now.

Everyone seems to think of me as a pet. Even Ian said I just have that aura about me. That I just easily obey. He said that because I refused to turn on my webcam, and he kept telling me to obey. I eventually did just so he would stop, but then being told I am a good girl, a good pet. That stung. I don't want HIM to think that of me. I only wanted one person to ever think that. But that is now in the past I guess.

Anyways I am tired.

Kill me kill me kill me!

Sitting here in fucking class "learning" how to correctly pronounce breathe, bathe, cloth, though, thorough, through, throw.
I am about to snap at this insanity of this class.
Just put me out of my misery and kill me now. Someone anyone. Please!

8:43 AM - English 31

I popped my knee 4 times. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

Marco is freaked out by my lack of interest in chasing after him. Chewed out almost everyone who came to me asking about assignments. They ALWAYS want to copy. No. Fuck it.

I didn't even do anything. Didn't feel like it. Not that it matters since I go above and beyond with everything I do. I put my heart into everything, so it is always okay if I turn things in late. 

Patch keeps asking me to teach her how to put on lipstick. No. I am done with makeup. At least for now. Ian has already begun looking at shipping costs for what he wants to send me. 

I haven't decided if I should give him my address yet or not. I might. He deserves it. He has been such an amazing friend to me. Even if I have to put up with his flirting ways and him wanting to expose himself on camera. I have no idea how his girlfriend handles him. Each their own. Thank goodness he understood I am not in the mood for that bullcrap. Though he helped me go through women's sleepwear because I wanted a guy's honest opinion.

Skimpy clothes to buy. Hahaha, one day when I get back to the states. I will buy them. Just for me. No one else. 

Sexy underwear shopping later today. 

That is a must, even if I am already done with today.

5:39 AM - Sister post.

Time sure flies by.

I do hope she will be okay, no matter how crappy my life gets, she just enjoys topping it. Haha.

Yesterday she got attacked by a pit-bull, and of course she decided to throw her arm at it.

Four years since she found out about the cancer. I am glad she is still around with me. Even if she sucks as an older sister, she is my sister.

I love her.

Thanks sis-tah for video chatting me for a good...4 minutes? Hahaha. Just to "brag" about her survival rate of life.

5:51 AM - Tuesday Morning

I am not in the mood for school. I know today will be one crappy day.

I fell asleep in a bad mood, and of course woken up in a bad mood.

Bad mood, not sad mood.

At the moment I don't feel like crying, I have a mix of emotions, and right now it is mostly anger.

I do not want to deal with anything today.

I want to say fuck it to life today.

Too bad I can't.

"This is how we do it in the Six-Three"

Makes me slightly glad to be on this island. Got to say, he has talent. Should have talked to him more before he graduated.

8:20 PM - Monday Evening.

Not going to blog about most of today's event.

Talked to Ian, thank goodness he was more than willing to deal with a distraught child who broke her laptop screen. No tears, just...I don't even know.
Yay, now I have to spend money to get that fixed. At least I still have my tablet where everything works. Go to fix the laptop though, my group needs it next week I think. I don't even remember when. Hopefully not tomorrow. 

Why is it broken? I had an attitude problem and I smashed it when I closed it. Hah.

So I haven't been going to practice, I re-agreed to join in the fiesta crap in a couple of weeks. Dancing/singing/whatever is going on. My cousins and I, two of them I do not get along with, will be singing. I may try to get out of it. I really hate singing, I am awful at it. They are cute. I am not. I sent them a recording of my small part of it. I guess no harm in sharing here, after all I seem to have no more pride, and making a complete fool out of myself is what I am good at. At least I have fun being all stupid and whatnot. I decided to actually do it, to distract me from today's event. Which worked, for the most part.

I am pretty sure I am getting sick. Bad health = my family's life story.

Sucky 43 second singing.

Thanks Ian.

For coming online and calming me down majorly. I owe you one.

Seriously. Thanks. You may not be my person, and you may be a perv, but you are a good friend. So thanks for trying your hardest. Sorry to have interrupted a call with you and your girl.

Apparently, no that wasn't my last post.

I broke my laptop Ian. Sorry, just wait a while so I can put the app on my tablet.

Last post...maybe.

Lost a love. And 2 friends.

12:40 AM -Monday Morning

Can't sleep. So I am heading out for a long early morning walk. Thank goodness no classes today.

10:57 PM - Sunday Evening

Thanks mommy for calling me during your day time so I can, again tell you happy mother's day.

We talked for an hour only, she was telling me about Sara and whatnot. She even showed me the charm Sara bought me back in Arizona. A crystal turtle.

-smiles-

It is something between us, since we were kids, we always were like the tortoise and the hare. She always going through life quickly, and I take my time doing whatever I do.

She may be in a rough patch in life, and quickly trying to do patch up work on herself. Which is both good and bad. She will eventually have a mental down if she doesn't be careful, but if she does, I will be there for her. Always will be.

I am the slow sister. Slow to love who I am. Slow to find someone, slow to realize what I want. I am the tortoise.

I won't get to see her face to face for a while. Even when I get back to the states, I can't just drop everything to see her, I have to get my life back together over there first.

So she gave my mom the charm to give to me. A crystal turtle. With a letter, thankfully my mom has not opened it. I didn't even know about it, it was given to her last week, and I just talked to my sister yesterday and she didn't mention it. I think it was a surprise.
I wonder what she wrote, and why she decided to write it in a letter.

I feel like the tortoise again. I have no idea where I am going, but I will get there eventually. Slowly, like always. I am just thankful to have my family. Even if they all are nuts. 

Also, I am pretty sure there is a Grey's Anatomy quote/gif on everything I feel.