A House of Cards

So I decided this morning, while I was waiting to wake my sister to get ready for school, to make a house of cards. This was the best I can do. -laughs- I miss doing this with my cousins back in the Philippines. Then playing "Monkey Monkey" with them. It's a card game. Heh, I think I became attached to my cousins. 

So today I found out my friend Sondra was hurt by a guy she never thought would hurt her. -sighs- I wish he knew that she does love him, the same way he does. I do wish she wouldn't listen to her mom so much, he could have been the one, more so if both of them felt such love. 

He hurt her because he couldn't handle talking to her without having feelings more than a friend. But I think he could have been a bit nicer to her about his leaving. Not treat her like an idiot. Seriously. No need to be childish over stuff. 

So an update on Uncle Ed, don't know how he is doing. I couldn't see him much today. When I went there, he was sleeping and seem fine, and no one told me anything, so after a few minutes I hugged Atie Shirley and got back to doing my errands.

My cousin, Neil, came over. We pick her up on her day off. So she won't be stuck at her live in job. And since she doesn't have a car, nor does she know how to drive, she would have to use the bus, but she isn't sure about how to get from their place to ours just yet. So we picked her up. She is always a sweet thing to be around. She is like a little dollie. I love going out to clothes stores and picking outfits she could try on. Too bad she had  to go back to work in the evening. But it was nice while she was here.

Until next time, Ciao~

Pressure...stress.

I might be going on a slight rant, but I'm glad not many people actually read this. -huffy laugh-

Why do people always expect so much of me? So what if I don't live up to how they see me being. I'm tired of having to please people. I am tired of it. Always having to smile and nod along. Who are they to tell me what to say, what to do? 

People wonder why I just run away. Why I turn back to those who understand me, who actually deals with me. 

My friend Sondra is the perfect example for someone I can always turn to. 

I've talked to her about anything. She never judges, never turns away because she doesn't like what I say. She accepts my decision. Does she think it's the right one? Most likely not. But does she know how I feel, yes. She understands, I'm still young. I love what, who, I love. I can't help it. 

But why should others, have to put me down for my choices? Have I ever judged someone? No. Have I always supported their decisions even if I didn't think it was right? Yes, of course I voiced my opinion, but I always support what my friends want to do. 

Why can't people do that for me? Am I that horrible of a person? Have I done people wrong? I understand if I've purposely went out of my way to screw you over. But I never try to hurt people. I always love making people smile. But when it's something I truly want to do, or feel I have to do, why does it always bite me back? Hm, maybe I'm truly a horrible person and I didn't even know it. -sighs- 

I am at the point where I should just say "fuck it, I'm going to be a bitch to everyone." But that's not like me at all. I can't help but be nice and kind to people. 

Why can't people just be that way to me?

Well until next time, Ciao~

And it just keeps getting....

Every day when I come back from the hospital, I feel worse and worse. -sigh- I can't believe he is slowly fading away from us. He is going  to be in my heart forever, I don't even know what kind of girl I'd be if Uncle Ed wasn't in my life. As long as I can remember, he was always there, laughing, joking around...acting as if the world stopped spinning whenever I laughed or smiled.

Always treating me as if I was the world. 

He was always fair when it came to my sister Sara's and my fights. He would listen to both sides, unlike my parents, who would accuse the one they saw doing the damage. But at the same time, he would make us work it out for our own reasons.

When I think back on all the times I saw him on the weekends with his wife Shirley. They never let us down.

I wish I knew what to do to help ease their pain.

 The only time I ever felt this down was when my grandpa passed away back in 2006. And that time was a really rough time for me. I believe in that year I was a really horrible child to my mom. 

Anyways, I just can't believe that he is doing worse and worse. I am scared now to go to the hospital in fear that he might pass away while I am in the room. I do not like crying in front of people. He has seen me cry a lot, and I don't want him to know I cry the moment he dies. I hope, I pray, his child will come and see him before he passes away. I don't know how much longer he'll be able to hold on.

~

Other news, I been talking to some old friends again. Old as in from middle school, and a few from elementary school, but the ones from elementary school are my classmates from overseas in the Philippines. 

I never noticed how much we've grown without one another. Being in a group conversation with my old group of middle school friend, made me realize how much of a loser I was in middle school. -laughs- 

I always looked for the best in people, and I still do. 

I use to post their poems, and draw them horrible pictures; thinking I was some amazing artist.

Even my best friend, Abdon, he changed greatly as well. But I think that's towards losing his mother to cancer. That is something that will change a person. 

It's great to know, that I wasn't the only one who was scared of getting together and talking. We all had our fears and worries that we wouldn't get along anymore. There was so much tension between everyone after Abdon and my friend Chrystyna broke up. And when I started liking him, it didn't help the situation at the time. 

But the moment we were talking, laughing about how things use to be, we realized that no matter how much time passed we'd always be the reject group from middle school. It comforts me knowing that we can change, and become totally different people, and yet still look at one another with those wild hopeful eyes, thinking the world has just started for us. -smiles- I can't wait to talk to everyone again.

More so with Chrystyna. She and I were like sisters. Not only did we have the same name, we did everything together. When I wanted to run away from home, she always let me in her place. Without her mother knowing. -laughs- When there was something going on, she and I would run to the place together. 

Entering talent shows together. Singing loudly during lunch time at school. Sitting at the little tables to stay away from people who didn't enjoy being around us.

She is the only person I know I stayed in contact with from elementary school here in the USA. Even though, she and I had a major fall out in 8th grade, over how she dumped Abdon and the way she started acting. 

Looking back, she was just growing up. And so was I. We don't hold it against each other, we smile back on those days, saying that we wouldn't change a thing about what happened. 

Until next time, Ciao~

Horrible News

This picture is of my mom and Uncle Ed, he is not related to me, he is the person who is in the hospital.(read past posts)

So this evening, my mother came home from Shirley's place, she had gone to the hospital without me, and she updated me on what happened.

Apparently, today he has been revived twice, his heart rate is very low, and goes up and down often. Since he been in the hospital he was shocked about twenty times. -sighs- This is not good news. His kidneys are starting to decline more and more, and the nurse said she'd be amazed if Ed survives the night. I hope he does. He is a great guy. I wish I had taken a picture with him. All the pictures I have of him, he is with one of my other sisters, my mom or my dad. I am usually the one taking the pictures.

It breaks my heart knowing he can't breath on his own, he is has became very delusional the past few days. I hope he lasts a bit longer, his children haven't been down here to see him yet. 

The last thing he should be able to see is his loving wife and the kids he had from his first marriage. -sad face- I hope he'll get the chance to.

Now, that I am sad, I shall just watch some stuff on netflix.

Until next time, Ciao~ 

Funny Faces

So, lately, I been feeling down. Which isn't normal for me. So why the sudden bad feelings? I am not too sure. Maybe it's my dreams I been having this whole week. -laughs- It wasn't that great of a dream, left me with an empty feeling and a sinking stomach.

Anyways, so what do I do? I make funny faces to cheer me up. 

People do all sort of things to cheer themselves up. So what are a few of mine? 

There's a lot.

To beginning, I love taking my camera and snapping away at my face, and attempt to make some faces. 

Of course it doesn't always work the way I want. I am not too gifted in making funny faces. These are just about the best I can do. -sighs- I wish I knew how to make some better ones.

Another thing that cheers me up greatly, is writing. I love writing. Short stories are the best. You can create a world of your own, and make anything happen. You're the creature.

Drawing helps as well. But what do I draw? Hm, I have been thinking that myself. I have a list of people asking for chibis, eventually my facebook friend's list will be full of my artwork. -laughs- I might get to it soon.

Styling my hair. It's a girly habit of mine. But I love putting my hair in different styles. It's fun and the focus I use distracts me from whatever is worrying me.

Along with nail art. Which I haven't done in about a month. My nails are NAKED! -laughs- It'll stay that way until I find some newer polish I like. 

Well, that's all I have to say for now.

Until next time, Ciao~

Time for an update.

So I have had a lot of time to blog, but haven't been in the actual mood. I just been thinking of things, mainly of some people. People who are important to me. One of those people, I am scared for. He is in the hospital, and at this moment, we aren't sure if he will be okay or not.

I'm praying he will be.

Anyways, two days ago, I been teaching my younger sister and her friends the "cup song". They wanted to know so they can perform it during this thing they were having at Barnes and Nobles. It was a school gathering, and everyone wore pajamas. They performed it today, with me as their instructor. It was fun. I remember learning how to do the thing from Zoom. I had completely forgotten all about it, until I watched D.J Tanner and Stephanie Tanner on Full House doing it and then Michelle wanting to know. -laughs- Oh the memories. 

The fun part was teaching the girls. Since I was able to just watch a video of that girl from Pitch Perfect sing it, I was able to do it. Thank goodness for good memory! The girls didn't catch on at first. One was so use to doing it with her hands, she kept forgetting to pick up the cup. -giggles- It was just so cute watching them learn and then the fact I got to do it with them made me really happy.

Monday, my sister Sara, came over to check up on my cat. I had called her that morning telling her my worry about her. (Sorry about what I will be saying if you can't stand gross like stuff) My cat has round worm, and is taking medicine for it. But Monday morning, while she went to the bathroom, I noticed a long worm, as I get the paper towel to put it out of her, it slowly went back in her butt. Freaking out, I had called my sister, and she told me that's find, the worm will die from the medication. 

Though, she knows how our parents are, she decided to come by as soon as she got off work, and she brought along two dewormers, and showed me how to give it to my cat, along with some more medicine for my cat. -smiles- I love how she goes out of the way to help me care for my cat, that way our parents won't complain about her, and I can keep her around a bit longer.

On that note, last week this important guy went to the hospital. His name is Ed. I am not sure about his age, but he is pretty old. His wife Shirley is one of my mom's close friends. I heard the news over the weekend, I'm not fully sure how long he has been in there, but I know it was at least two or more days before Saturday. 

Why do I worry greatly about him? Well, it has to do with the fact, he's like a second father to me, and sometimes a grandpa. He and his wife has always been there for Sara and I. Always taking us out whenever our parents were busy. They would invite us to holidays at their place, and they would remember to give us gifts. -smiles- Small but very meaningful. Both of them mean a lot to me. 

As far as I know, he is stable, but he isn't doing too well. I had already lost my great uncle back at the end of July, and another close family friend earlier this month. The thought of losing another person dear to me makes me feel awful. 

I'll just keep him in my prayers in my heart and hope for the best.

If not, Shirley is already getting her mental mind ready for the worse. Let's just hope it doesn't happen anytime soon.

Until next time Ciao~

My Chibis

So today,I cleaned the apartment, cooked and then I figured I'd give drawing chibis on my tablet a try, since I was having a little bit of trouble with drawing yesterday. All I have to say is...Success. -laughs- Three of my friends asked me to draw them, and I wanted to draw a Gaian for practice. 

Quinn is my friend from High school, and she loves putting on nail polish, and doing nail art. She and I usually discussed about what different styles there were, and encourage one another to continue. She's adorable for a person. Even more so as a chibi.

Brittany is my friend from Gaia. -giggles- She and I bonded over a short story I wrote for her, eventually ending with me adding her to Facebook.  She is a fun nerdy girl. AND she actually owns a batman cape. She's a superhero in real life, never asking for much, and always willing to help people.

Deminarii, she is a gaian whom I noticed and she helped me once. 

Lacy...I haven't really gotten the pleasure of meeting, or knowing that well. She dated my best guy friend Matt. I don't know what happened between them, or if they are still together. But either way, she seems like an amazing girl who tries to see the best in people. She is an artist and down to earth. She loves dying her hair, and she's amazing at it. In my eyes, she's an elf. And she accepts it.  -smiles-

Well, this is what I've been up to today. Hopefully everyone has been having a good day.

Until next time, Ciao~

Big Brother Kyle

Munchies the panda. This stuffed animal is something of mine I plan on treasuring for a good long time. It's already been 6 years with this panda. I would have to say, if I had to talk to someone, but fear of judgement, I can always turn to him.

Munchies was given to me by my friend, and I wish, older brother Kyle. A guy who looked like a bully and will rip your head right off, gave me such a sweet gift. Of course after he got me in trouble with my mother. -laughs- He originally gave me a

different panda, but a person in my high school, borrowed it and then later claimed it to be his son. How I hated the guy. A few days later, on my birthday, Kyle gave me this one. I am happy. Even though he didn't have to, Kyle stuck up for me, let me actually be a little sister to him. And never turned me away no matter what I did, or what I said.

Sure, he didn't always liked what I had to say. But we understood that we both had a mouth, thanks to being Filipino, and was able to handle each other with care.

In high school, he had wanted to date me, but didn't know how I felt. Of course, I liked him. Most girls did, but for the fact he was a musician and had great hair. But I loved how he was when it was just me. He took the extra time to understand my emotions and how I do things.

Even though we had liked each other in the past. I am glad things didn't go the way they could have. If they did, I might have lost such a great friend. Even though, I did kind of lose him over the years out of high school. He still comes around on Facebook and asks how I am doing. But that is how life is. I'm just glad for the little things, the moments he gave me as a "little sister". The feeling of comfort from just the panda.

I couldn't ask for a better pretend older brother. Well, until next time, Ciao~

Intuos Tablet

It finally arrived. My new item. After a week from when I ordered it. Strange that I was never sent a tracking number so I can track it as it is being shipped. But either way, it got here safe and sound. Perfect timing as well. Considering I've been feeling like crap all day, still do but at least now I don't have to worry about my money being gone.

I was drawing with it most of the day today, still getting use to it. Not something I am use to yet, hopefully with practice, I'll be able to do cuter artwork.

Throwback

So today I was doing laundry and cleaning the apartment, and I came across this amazing photo of me and my sisters, along with my first cat. Sara is with our cat Bright-Eyes, and I am holding Mary-Rose's pacifier.  Whom I was always scared of holding. -laughs- So what is going on, I think is was at least a month after my little sister was born, and my mom was still in the "picture taking mode" most parents get when their baby is born, anyways there's this brown spot on my dress, I think it is a patch spot my mom did to fix it, or it could be a stain.

But I think this picture perfectly shows how my sister Sara and I are different since we were kids. -laughs- I sit all lady like, and she is more like a boy. Now though, she has decided to come and join me on manners and being fancy, but this reminds me how I went from lady like, to slob back to a nicely dress young lady. 

This was about 10 years ago, how time flies by.

Until next time, Ciao~

Ranma 1/2 opening

So, yesterday, I sung this song to my friend again. And I did sing it before, post link, and I decided that, even though I am too shy to post songs, I enjoy singing this opening too much not to post this one. -smiles- I think I'll count this as half a blog post this time. 

Ciao until next time~

Good Morning!

I've been awake all night long again. Can't say I don't look good without sleep. -laughs- I been thinking so much about the past. All kinds of relationships ended, so many people I lost touch with. Yesterday, I ended up talking to an old friend of mine. I've known him since middle school, and considering I've moved around so much, it's amazing I was able to keep in touch with him. Granted we use to be closer during my high school years, now I regret not putting in the time to talk, or see him despite the distance. I missed his mother dying, his graduation, his older brother's graduation (not that I care much about him.), even his sister's birthdays. -sighs- Every moment I use to share with him, it disappeared during my 11th grade. 

Jen, a girl who I was able to stay friends with for a year out of high school, even moving overseas, and coming back, she and I use to skype all the time, even sung with each other. In fact, she was the reason why this one blog stayed being so long, she brought the best out in me. -laughs- She and I would fantasize about what our weddings would be like, me moving overseas in Denmark with her after we finished schooling. Even talked about boys. But somehow she and I drifted apart. It's sad to think that being so close with someone, it could just quickly disappear over time, despite it being a short time since I last talked to her, it's been a longer time since we shared moments with one another.

Though some friendships last. Like my darling Sondra. She and I been friends all of high school, until now. -smiles- She knows my secrets, and accepts me and my flaws. I still joke around, and she'll tell me her problems, even though I was only able to see her once since I gotten back, but still. She and I always talks and makes time for each other online.

My best friends Nadia and Nicole, they always find a way to keep in touch with me. My email gets spammed if my cell phone gets disconnected, when I am overseas. They always keep me in the loop no matter the distance. I am hoping that in the winter time, I can go up to see them again. -smiles- It'll be their Christmas Gift if I go up. I know they'd be thrilled to see me once more.

All in all, last night was an interesting night for me. Thinking of the important people in my life, the ones who came, and the ones who have left. But all have a special spot. -smiles- 

Well, until next time, Ciao! 

S.C.M-R

It's been a while since my last post on here. -laughs- I'm a failure as a blogger, but I'm here to turn things around. -cough-Friend Tristian is making me update it-cough-

So what is "S.C.M-R"? Well that my sisters' and mine first initial. Sara, Christina, Mary-Rose. 

I don't think I ever once posted a picture of the three of us, or of them at all. Well let's see what I can say about them:

Sara, (the one in the red shirt) is my older sister, she's 22 next year in March she will be 23 years old. -smiles- She is a brat. A spoiled one, with anger management problems. -laughs- She easily throws a fit, but pretty harmless unless she goes into one of her episodes. She was diagnosed with psychosis this year, and now on medication. I am glad, because she's been less stressed and haven't picked fights with people. Nor has she tried and killed herself. She's the only person who I can do stupid stuff with and not worry about what people think, from tying a scooter to a bike with a rope to having shopping cart races in the store. She knows all my secrets and worries. It might seem like we get along, but it wasn't like that all the time. She was a horrible older sister. We wouldn't talk, and all we'd do was fight each other the moment we saw one another. It was a horrible time. She won every fight, and just bullied me, she  knows it was because I can't stand the thought of actually hurting someone on purpose. We started to develop a sister bond when she became 18 years old. And I must say, despite the fighting and hatred from when we were younger, I think that she was just lovely both then and now. So many funny memories because of her. I'm very happy she survived her ovarian cancer.

Now, the little sister,(the one in the middle being squished) is Mary-Rose. She's 10 years and 2 days younger than me. -laughs- She was born December 10th, and I was born December 8th. She is like the average preteen, being 11 she thinks sometimes she should be able to do anything, but at the same time she listens because she knows I don't play games with her if it means she'll end up a disrespectful child. She's just like Sara, the way she looks and acts. Because she was born near my birthday, my parents put me in charge of watching her and making sure she is brought up properly. Back then, being 10 years old, I thought that was unfair, but now....I still think it's unfair. -laughs- I was robbed of my teens because of her. Not able to go out and do stuff with friends because my parents would work and I had to watch after my little sister. But I must say, despite it not being fair. I love her so darn much. And I am very thankful I had the chance to take care of my sister. If I didn't who knows what kind of person I'd be like. 

So, now I have properly introduced my lovely sisters. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Until next time, ciao.