9:10 PM - Wednesday Evening (home)

Stressful day, but easily unstressed.

Today I had to do the Operating Room Return Demonstration. I was the first one, thanks to my last name. I shall always be curse with being one of the first people to do things if done alphabetically. -laughs-

It went smoothly. I was complaining to Matt about it, since he was awake and messaged me first thing when I woke up. He had more faith in me knowing what I was doing than I was. I always have these freak outs whenever it deals with having to get a grade. I knew it was going to happen, so what did I do to calm my nerves?

I brought my purple collar with me, and felt for it whenever I had to think about what I was suppose to do next. I  know in the actual setting I won't be allowed to have it with me, but at least I was able to get through the grading part with it. I do know what I am doing. I should have more confidence in myself.

Afterwards, Yna and the others wanted to eat out. Because it was our first retdem of the year and we all did amazing at it. Ember ended up tagging along and she actually ate with us! About time too, she always says she feels like she isn't part of the group. -laughs-

After lunch I decided to treat everyone to cake. Why? Because I can, and it is something nice to do for them. After all they treated me to lunch. They were shocked. But I really like the cafe's cakes and teas. It was from a place called Sweet Home Cafe. It is a small cute area, and the staff is really sweet. So we ended up staying there studying for our afternoon retdem, and eating cake.

Hahah, what surprised everyone was even after eating, and eating sweets when I had my blood sugar taken, I was still really low. Which was quite a concern, so I had to go out and get something to boost my levels. My instructors had to ask them if I actually ate lunch or not because it was taken about an hour or so after eating, so it shouldn't have been so low. Averagely it should have bee 105-120 after eating, but I was 94. They didn't believe I actually had lunch and ate so much chocolate (Thanks to Jhens and her mom). So I had to get a mango float from the student worker in the office. -laughs- 

Today was just really nice. Went from stressful, to easy and fun. I forgot that I shouldn't sweat the little things and actually just enjoy what I am doing. I am there to learn and I shouldn't be too hard on myself if I don't get things right away.

Though I was also very sleepy since I pulled an all nighter, so I passed out when I got home.

I still have a slight headache, but I am going to sleep soon enough.

Sleep after I make sure I send my good morning message at the right time. -smiles- I miss him. I do hope he and I will talk soon. It has been a while.

I plan on finishing up the book tomorrow. Or Friday. Since after all Friday is no school. And I am pretty sure he finished the book without me. Darn actually having to be a student and tiring myself out. Hah. I will catch up quickly though!

Well, until tomorrow, since I am hoping I can get back to normally posting again. So far I have been doing pretty well with my posts. Yay me.

7:30 PM - Tuesday Evening (Home)

Been a while. What have I been up to?

Nothing much. Yesterday Sam, John Cynth, Ember and I went to Bo's Coffee. It is like Starbucks. -laughs- Just to study a bit. I ended up treating them to snacks/drinks. It is fine, the place was pretty pricey for Sam and John Cynth. Ember just forgot her money. Hah.

We have return demonstrations tomorrow. My group is the first one for O.R Didactic. Meaning we will show the O.R clinical instructor we know and understand what we will be doing.

I am not fully prepared. I am the first one to be doing it. My assist nurse (Partner) is Yna. She relies on me to whisper whatever she forgets. She is an amazing student nurse but she freaks out during the ret-dems. I don't blame her. I get a bit on edge. But at least afterwards I will be able to relax. This is  the major one, the others are simple. And it will only be 2 demos a day, so it isn't too bad. 

I am suppose to be writing my O.R notebook, but I am taking a quick break since the words are just tiring me out.

Today, I was talking to Matt, again. I am actually surprised that he is willingly talking to me. He usually stops talking. More surprised that half an hour ago he messaged me first! That is a big step for him. -laughs- Since he closed off to many people. Apparently talking to me before he fell asleep helped him a bit. He is currently in "class". A therapy group. He is slowly opening back up to me. I can already hear his mom going on about how he only talks to me and not to her. -laughs- She use to complain about that a lot.

In fact, Matt and I had a heart to heart. He started it. Made me remember all those long afternoon walks from school to my apartment, and the times he and I would sit outside the gas station drinking tea and eating butterfingers. -laughs- He was a major chocolate lover.

Anyways, apparently he was suppose to go to an amusement park with the "guys" but they bailed on him so he is just shutting himself in his room playing video games. Though he felt better after he said he would show me the place one day. I love amusement parks. And I never been to one when my parents weren't with me. Hahah. My parents are really protective. 

Which when I asked why he had to accompany me, his reason was actually reasonable. I have no sense of direction. And he would feel bad if something happened to me.

He was acting like his old self today. That is all I noticed. -smiles- I am just glad he is feeling better,even if I am absent from his life a lot. He knows I am someone he can turn to, to talk things out. What was weird though was when he called me cute. He never, since I met him, called me cute.

 So...I haven't talked to him in a while. -sad face- I really REALLY want to talk to him. I know he is busy and it can't be helped. I know I am not the most important person in his life now. But I love talking to him. And he is still the most important person in my life. I had to put the book on hold. I am nearly sure he finished it. -laughs- I had no choice. I will be done after tomorrow though. Because I wouldn't be dealing with my RLE stuff. And Friday is no school for me! -smile- Rest day.

I just hope he and I will talk this weekend. Unless he gets really busy again. 

ANYWAYS, I got to get back to my notebook. Can't learn about the operating room by complaining about not talking to someone. So I will just think fondly of him. Hah.

9:15 PM - Sunday Night (Home)

Early this morning, around 2 am, I ended up cutting my bangs back to it's original length. I thought maybe I needed a change of how I look.

It is something I hadn't had in a couple of months. Even when I had my bangs, I didn't usually have it out. I honestly love how it came out.

I look...more like me? 

Everyone always told me that see me with bangs. Though I like how I look either way. I feel more myself with my bangs. -smiles-

I am glad I cut them. I look pretty cute with them. Only if I can catch someone's eyes and attention. -laughs- If only, huh? Maybe one day.

Anyways, I ended up hanging out with my aunt for a short time today.

It has been so raining over here. On and off. Surprised that it didn't ruin my hairstyle for the day. My hair was not fully straight and not fully curly. Hahaha, it was a mix of it. But my bangs behaved for a change. I may leave them out more. Rock my old look.

My sister's ex keeps harassing me. Hopefully that will stop. I also ended up going back to the mall to buy some more lesson plans, Pamu and Jhens didn't have time this weekend to go and buy them. They seriously owe me. I hate standing in the long lines during weekends, everyone here always puts buying things for the week until the afternoon to night on weekends. I decided to be helpful and buy them what they needed. I am in the city and neither of them are. I also bought one for Sam because, knowing her, she would have been too focused on her girl to have remembered to go and buy one.

I ran in to JC at the mall. She attack-hugged me. -smiles- Her mom was with her, and I was with my sister and cousin. So it was really a shock for them. Her mom knows me, and approves of me, since I am a responsible person.

Speaking of responsible, I haven't been able to get a hold of Ember. -frowns- She is seriously getting on my nerves. She begged me to help her out of the grave she dug herself, and now she didn't show up to school last week, and I am not helping out with it this time. I messaged her like crazy. She HAS a phone now, but she just won't reply. If she wants to continue her studies, she has a funny way of showing it. I am not helping her out of this mess. I have my hands full as it is.

I decided to give short story writing another try. Sondra offered to give it a look over when I feel up to letting someone read it. Now I just have to write it.

I had a weird dream. It has been on my mind, but it isn't bad. Nor it is good. Just...weird. Haha.

I should try and get back to my normal posting habits. I feel like I have abandoned this blog, again. How many times have I left this blog alone, and then come back to randomly start posting. Hahah. But at least I can write what I post here in my journal. Would make my life a whole lot easier. -nods-

It's weird. I didn't get to talk to him at all today. Only talked to him yesterday for a short time. It is just weird. I hope he is okay. I think he spoiled me greatly, with talking to me for hours long via weekends. -small smile- I just like talking to him. Oh well, hope he is well and I get to talk to him soon enough. 

9:00 PM - Saturday Evening (Home)

It has been a while. I got busy with school.

Learning what to do in the OR is quite tiring, plus the actual classes during THF times are an energy drainer. I think I may be too old for this. -laughs-

In all fairness, I am usually up late into the evening doing who knows what just because I don't want to sleep yet. I should learn NOT to do that one of these days.

So what is new with me?

Well, he and I started reading Me Before You this week. So far so good. I am enjoying it. Though it could be that I am reading it with him. I like doing things with him. Makes me feel closer to him. -smiles- I am a sucker for him and reading. 

Anyways, it is a good story. Glad I didn't watch the movie, or trailers or I will know the story already. -laughs- I am not a fan of going into a book blind, all I know is that it is suppose to make me cry. Only made me feel sad at some parts. Not cry though. I like Lou though. She is such a sweetie. Her sense of fashion is something to be admired. -nods- Tights = life.

Other than that, I been helping Sam with her girlfriend problem. The girl keeps flipping out on Sam and telling her how the only reason why she is staying is because she feels bad for Sam, then the next day she is all over the whole, "I love you. :*", stuff. I don't really get it, and it is driving Sam crazy, she skipped school because of it Friday, and she has been down. Now she is laughing because it is just silly how the girl is acting. I told her they should talk it out. Find out what they will do or something. I don't know. I don't talk to the girl myself, only know her based on what Sam tells me, or when she shoved her ipad in my face to read the messages myself. -shrugs- I just hope Sam doesn't do anything stupid while being with this girl.

Talked to Matt too, Friday. He and I had such a nice chat. It was during my class time, and while I was about to settle in to my lunch break to read. He wants to go back to work, he is actually looking forward to it. I told him if he really wants to come here to the Philippines it wouldn't be a problem, my family already knows him (mom and dad) so he wouldn't be considered a stranger. Which is when he confessed how much he missed me being around him. -laughs- He said he wishes he had a good friend living nearby him so he can just hang out with that person and do things. Afterwards said he wished I lived near him, or was at least back in the states. I told him I have to finish what I started first. He is such a sweet boy, life misguided him big time. I wish that girl he met during Basic Training didn't mess with him mind. It took him years to finally be open to someone other than me, and she went and played with him. -sighs- 

He and I know it will never be the same as it was back in high school. He screwed that up himself. But we are still good friends. He is like a baby brother to me.

I am a bit down. I didn't get to talk to Him a lot today. He was doing paperwork and then never replied back. Hah. I ended up falling asleep waiting for his reply. But he didn't. I think he fell asleep too. Sad. I was really looking forward to talking with him. About anything and everything. I always do though. One day he will get really annoyed with talking to me. -laughs- But thankfully it won't be anytime soon.

Also...I just miss him. I feel better when he is around, when I talk to him...I feel warm inside. 

I was given a project, not just me the whole class, to write a personal journal/diary. -laughs- I am quite good at writing down my thoughts. It is for Humanities. The teacher wants us to learn something. I forgot what he said exactly. Though he said it didn't have to be completely personal, could be whatever we want. 

I haven't started yet. Not one single entry. There is so much I want to write, but I am not comfortable with writing it in the journal anymore. I might start tomorrow. "The Daily Life of Christina: Secrets and all." -laughs- Not that I have any secrets besides my feelings and wants. I have to find out how I want to do the journal first. I don't understand why the teachers at this University keeps wanting us to do such projects. Doesn't seem to be related to my course. 

I ALSO GET TO BEFRIEND A TRANSFER STUDENT IN AUGUST! I am really excited about that. -smiles- A Chinese student. They come to the school to learn English, and the Dean of Languages (My Humanities teacher) figured, what is the better way to learn the language than to pair them off with an American? -laughs- So I really excited about it. I am going to turn down the payment/allowance, they want to give. They said they will pay for food/travel fees, etc, but I don't want that. I don't like sticking to a budget, Or planning out a day...well I do, but still. -smiles- I am just excited over meeting new people. 

The teacher also wants to read some of my short stories. -sighs- Mistakenly informed him that I took creative writing in High School, and wrote some short stories. I couldn't get it through his head that while I do write, none of it is any good. -laughs- He just kept going on and on about how he would love to read it. -shakes head-

I hope I get to talk to him. -smiles- I miss him.

9:33 AM -Friday Morning (Skills Lab)

Trying to pass the time during this assembly.

It is boring.

At least I don't have to pay attention to the lectures going on. 

So yesterday, my class had "pre-elections" for the class officers. And there are two people who will be running for class rep. Jesalinne and I. She was the secobd highest with the votes. She got 5 votes. I got 32 votes. -frowns- I pleaded to the class to rethink it. I am tired of dealing with the LGU and the clinical instructors. But they feel more secure if it was me since I always made sure that everyone was informed properly and knew where to go or what to do. 

It made our class look good with the Dean and chairmen, unlike our other section who had problems with everything. Apparently I kept people united with my section.

They mean well, but I still don't want to do it. I want an easy life. Though they agreed to help out whenever I need them to help. So it isn't too bad. 

The whole class will be in it together. I wil just have to deal with the forms/paperwork and talking to the correct people. 

Guess they see something great in me.

I am glad that my last classes are with Sam. Hah. So it won't be 100%  boring.

I should start eating my meals properly. I skipped breakfast since I was so tired yesterday, I ended up waking up late today. 

12:04 PM - Thursday Noon (Hospital)

Resting at the university hospital. HNU medical hospital or something, it is out front of the school, and it allows people to connect to their wifi for free. I forgot my pocket wifi, and cellphone data is being a butt.

So far the day has been fine. Really tired since I didn't get any sleep last night. I want to go home and take a nap, but I am going to "man up" and get through the day. It is after all the first day of school. Though officially, it doesn't start until next week because of people switching classes and such. But I do want to see who the teachers/instructors are. So I now what I can and cannot get away with in class.

The first class I had today was the same teacher I had for So-An! She was shocked to see everyone in the class. -laughs- She wasn't prepared to be handling a nursing section again. Though there are also medtechs and other students, it is mostly my section in the class. Which allowed them to get a day off tomorrow morning since the Nursing students have an assembly in the morning.

The Dean wants to discuss what is new and whatnot with the policies of the school.

So tomorrow will be a boring, but easy day.

Today is easy so far. Just introductions to the subjects, what is expected of us, the norm. I just wish I wasn't so darn tired. 

During the morning classes, David kept me company. He kept making me laugh over the fact I would not mind being a walking library. Which happened because the teacher asked if anyone had a book/novel, not a notebook, on them, and everyone and I mean EVERYONE from my nursing section all turned and looked at me. It was as if they KNEW I had a reading book on me.

I brought along the Pillars of the Earth. I am re-reading it...again. Because I have a finished all the books I have at home, and I am now making another round through them to pass the time, at least until Monday back in the states/Tuesday here, so I can read that "You before me" book. Only book I currently own that I am not reading.

Hopefully he will actually inform me when to start else he may get ahead of me.

I have only a few more classes, but they are long classes. And they sound boring. And I am not looking forward to walking home at 8:30pm again. Not with all that has been going on here.

I am going to wrap this up, since Sam wants to go and get food before my next class, she doesn't have class until 2:30. Hopefully she will remember to actually show up to the class. It is a major class, so it is important that she shows up. Just because of attendance. That is the most important thing. More so since Sam's mom is our level head this year. She can't goof around like she has been. -laughs- Poor Sam though, her mom keeps calling her out and it makes Sam feel embarrassed about having her mom talk to the class in a friendly manner.

I love it! Her mom is so nice and easy to talk to.

Anyway, got to go and get some lunch with my lovely date girl today.

The Scarecrow and the Queen

I am the Senpai! 

Hahahah, so I originally was going to doodle something more serious, but thanks to my friend messaging me to see how things were, his girlfriend wanted to talk with me but she didn't have her phone, so she used his and it became a three person conversation. 

Crystal kept making fun of her boyfriend's relationship with me. I make him call me "Queen" and I poke around calling him my scarecrow butler. -laughs- 

Which lead to her saying I was his "senpai" since I am older than him and graduated before he did. And I went along with it, safe to say HE wasn't happy at all. -laughs- Can't blame him. To have me as his senpai would be awful in general. Crystal asked me to doodle something I would do as a senpai, and thus this came about! Hahaha. 

Doodle of the evening. Fun.

1:46 am - Thursday Morning

"L is for loser"

or is L for love?

-laughs-

This is just a fun photo. I cannot sleep at all this evening, though I have school tomorrow. The teachers rarely show up the first week of school, and tomorrow I will have only half a day. So I just want to head off to the weekend.

Yesterday I ran into Sam at the mall's bookstore. I was there picking up a book to read. I am just waiting for the "go a-head" from him to read it. Haven't even read the summary. I have a feeling I should so I can at least prep myself for whatever adventure the book will be taking me on.

It also better not be a waste of a six hundred and fifty-five pesos. Though it isn't a lot, I don't like wasting money on books that doesn't peak my interest.

After I read it, Sam wants to borrow it. I am sure I might never see it again if I agree to let her borrow. I haven't gotten any of the books I let others borrow back.-shakes head- I saw a few books I do want to get. Though I will wait until after I finish all the back to school shopping. Hah, just to make sure I don't over spend on books I have done a few months ago. Gotta chill out on the book spending. I am an addict towards books.

I yelled at a Nun yesterday. A 58 year old nun....I did not mean to. But she was pushing it with me. Wanting me to bother my mom while she was sleeping so she could get even more money from her. To which I had already explained my mom will be sending her money when she gets to it. Apparently she wanted to go home and didn't want to wait for my mom to send it, so my mom gave in, but she was still here. It was 4 days after her annoying my mom. And she decided to ask for more, I don't mind but it isn't my spot to just give since the money I currently hold is for something. So I ended up opening my big mouth. -sighs- I made a nun cry because I got annoyed. I didn't say anything bad. I just lectured her about how she is a guest and that I am not going to go out of my way for whatever she wants. I guess I could have been nicer while I lectured, but I didn't sleep that night and I was awake cleaning the wounds of my aunt, and forcing Yan to take medications because she had a bad cold. Stress these past two days. And she just got caught in the middle of it. So now...she is gone. I told my mom what happened, and she laughed and said to never mind it. I told Sara and she laughed saying I am going to hell. Funny coming from her since she doesn't believe in religion. Either way it isn't nice to make elderly cry and runaway. I am a bad hostess! -groans-

Sam may not attend class today. Or she will but not go to class. Since teachers tend not to show up. Haha, I may follow suit, don't know yet. I dislike attending my minors. I love my majors, but the minors bore me greatly. I am currently reading "The Red Queen". So I guess it will help pass the time. And the internet helps out a lot with that too. Hah. Hopefully I can catch someone up and online to help pass the time.

I miss him.

I want to spend more time talking to him.

Hope he is well and happy.

Gonna go and doodle.

Be Our Guest~

This is a movie I will not miss out on. 

Beauty and the Beast has always been my favorite Disney fairytale. So seeing them do a live action re-make of this...it makes me smile so happily. Though I personally don't see Emma Watson as Belle, I know it will still be worth a watch.

I cannot wait for the day it is out in theaters.

Jacob is safe and sound. I still cannot believe what happened in Orlando.

Sam didn't think I knew.

Nor did I realize how many of my friends are actually up there, around that area.

The two main ones worried me the most.

Jacob and Abdon. Thank goodness they are both safe and sound.

Though I do not talk to them as much as I use to, I would hate to think anything bad happening to them.

More so with Abdon.

He was my best friend from middle school. Our love-hate relationship started out when he was introduced to me as Chrystyna's boyfriend. I have no idea why I had an instant dislike towards him. Maybe the thought of my best friend (Chrystyna) being shared with someone at the time ticked me off.

So we were constantly fighting, always throwing nasty words, making sure to bring hell to each other no matter what.

Only reason we talked was due to the fact he was dating my friend back then. Until we became close after talking about grandfathers. I don't remember what we said back then. But I do know that was the topic that changed us. -smiles- We were close for so long after that. He ended up being dumped by Chrystyna. She was flirting with other guys or trying too? I am not sure, after Abdon and I started getting along, I drifted away from her, maybe she wasn't happy that he and I got along so well. We were basically always together. Though he was in class B and I was in class D as well as the G.E.M. program. So hanging with him was pretty hard during class time since he was in the slower learning classes while I was in the tougher ones. Though to this day I have no idea why I was put in the stupid program. I know I never turned in the stupid forms, I shredded it because I knew I would be put in the nerd classes, and being in the same school as my sister all I wanted to do was fit in. Hah, sadly I still ended up in those classes.

Anyways, in our first year of high school, we did go to the same school. Coconut Creek high. He and I ended up in one class together. A science class. But that was by chance. -laughs- My class only had 6 students while his class only had 8 students. So my teacher gave us up to his teacher. Which I was really happy about. I mean he was my best friend. Every day, for half a school year, he and I would always pair up, make jokes, eat lunch together. When I was cold, he'd give me his jacket. Which I found out later it was his older brother's. -laughs- I had his older brother in my math class. Talk about awkward when the older brother has to ask his younger brother's friend for help in math.

Everyone use to talk about him and I getting together, and how we were cute together. He would often hug me from behind and stay there if we were standing. He gave me his bracelet, if I got pissed off at him he'd let me hold onto his wallet. (I don't know why. He just did?) 

Then I moved.

We talked every day, we saw each other whenever we could.

But to him, it wasn't the same.

He felt lonely and closed in.

Why?

Was it because he wanted to be with me?

Nope. -smiles- He didn't know how to come out to anyone but me. So me not being in school with him made him feel like an outcast. Though he did get over it sometime during second year.

He opened up to me during freshmen year of high school. When he thought one of our classmates in science was hot. -laughs- Were we flirting? Nah, he and I acted like family, and the hugging was due only because I was much shorter than him and he liked hugging people but felt weird to hug others. So it was more or less nothing.

We acted like brother and sister. His younger sister adored me, and his older brother teased me as if I was related to them.

He and I did drift. Though we keep tabs on each other, he has been openly gay for a long time now, and everyone has been supporting him, though he messages me every once in a while to see how I am. Or to try and get me to talk to a friend of his. Hahah. No thanks. I know most of his friends already, and the type of people he befriends. 

I am just glad he is safe.

So Jacob? 

I met him during a silent dinner during high school. -smiles- I was interested in the way he looked.

I knew he was gay the moment he and I actually talked more than table chatter. He wanted to add me to facebook, and I let him. We talked and became good friends for a while. But going to different schools, running in very different type of crowds made it hard to keep in touch, even though he lived literally 20 minutes away. -laughs- But he'd hit me up with some music he thought was interesting and I would toss some back to him. 

He also works at Pulse.

Was suppose to do an overnight shift, but didn't.

I am glad he didn't. I am happy he is safe.

Though he gave everyone a good scare. When I found out he was alive and well, and was only outside of the club to find out if his friends that were inside were alive, I cried. I cried hard. He worried everyone that something happened to him. No one was able to get a hold of him until he posted on facebook that he was fine. If I was there I'd give him a long lecture about it. But him being a live is all that is important.

Yes...this post goes from Beauty and the Beast to my two gay friends. 

I know.

GIRLS!

Sometimes I blast this song loudly when the neighbors get annoying.

9:48 PM - Saturday Night

Unle Tito, Atie Isang, Awit-wit, and Tado.

-sighs- I wish that there were some things I could prevent.

If I had not stayed up late last night, and woke up during my usual time, I could have told Isang and Awit to stay home because of the black out.

The black out was not just in the city, it was island wide.

What happened?

They got into a crash. Motorcycle an Jeepney. Them being on the motorcycle, and the Jeepney hitting them. The four of them on the one motor. -sighs- Thankfully, so far they are all okay. But none of them are wearing a helmet, and there are no scanners in Duero, so who knows what is going on inside.

I am worried about Yan. Awit, and Isang are her brother and mother. They are the ones who lives with us in the city. If something happens to them she is basically an orphan. So I am hoping everything will be fine.

I wonder if my family got cursed or something. That is what it seems like. Someone is always going in the hospital, usually something minor, and it gets complicated, but then once in a while this comes out of the blue.

Uncle Tito has been the uncle who watched Sara and I grow up here. My mom was always too busy to watch us herself when she was here. So it was either Atie Atie, or Tito. I rely on Tito a lot, to take care of the farm animals, and guard the household there, and watch over grandma since what happened with Epen and Uncle Awit (Isang's husband). Though Epen and I are close, he wasn't around during my childhood, it was only recent. Tito was our go to uncle. He would take us to the rice fields, and let us get all muddy, and put us on the carabao every once in a while. He would bring it down from the mountain, and let Sara and I ride it up the mountain to go to the rice fields. He also taught us how to catch chickens. Not to hurt them, but to catch with our hands, and how to snab dragonflies without hurting them. I have so many memories with him, because he would watch us. He still watches over me, and now Rosie. Whenever I go to check on the trees I planted, he insists to accompany me.

When the multicab broke down while my mom was here, he lead the pack of motorcycles to come and get us and the cab at 1 in the morning!

He is a thin fellow, and didn't serve in any war. But he survived so much. A few years back, when I was in middle school, I remember my mom getting a phone call from here, telling her Tito was in the hospital and he might not make it because he was attacked. Slit neck, and arms, etc. Bloody. But he fought back, and caused more damage to the attackers than what they did to him. They all ended up in the hospital. But that caused everyone to worry. I remember when I saw him after that, he scared me. The scars, and the way his body looked terrified me. I got over that when I saw him smoking. I was a brat at that time, I tossed all his cigs into the river that runs into the ocean. He got mad, but he did say it was that day he stopped smoking. 

Isang, she...she is the left hand to everything. Atie atie is the right now, Isang is the left. She takes care of the apartment, and whatever I need done if I cannot get it done myself. She knows the people my mom goes to for help/advice to get things done. I should know, but I have no real interest in what goes on in between families here, so I only get involved if I need to. It isn't bad, but it does get messy. Though, usually Isang or Atie takes care of it.

I don't have many memories with Isang, she was the Nanny of Rosie, while Atie was the Nanny to Sara and me. But I love joking around that she is Mommy number 2. -smiles- Because she always treats Rosie and I like her kids. If she buys snacks for her two kids, she buys for us too. I buy them stuff, because I like giving things to people. But she always made the apartment feel safer.

Tado, is Jennibie's younger brother.

He is a cousin Rosie is close to, I barely talk to him because of age difference, and we don't run in the same group. Though he is one year younger than Jennibie, He falls in the generation of cousins with Rosie. I get along with that gen, but the other cousins are the ones I grew up with. But I love joking around with him, and cheering him on during his dance competitions...my family is filled with dancers.

Awit is suppose to start high school tomorrow.

He better be okay.

He is the youngest in the apartment. And the smallest.

I just hope everyone is okay. After all they said everyone was okay.

What a night.

Currently listening to:

2:38 AM - Saturday Morning (Annoying Post)

So, I want to take a moment and say how not talking to someone is driving me mad! Okay, not mad but it is making me feel a little nuts. Hahaha. I really want to talk to him. I hope he is well, and it has been a long time since he and I talked. I want to talk to him. So badly.

I miss him...but I don't want to come off crazy and message him like crazy. I already over messaged him as it is, so I am writing this because it is making me feel selfish and bratty because I want his attention all the time.

-smiles- I...love him. Shhh...I do hope he doesn't mind that I still do.

Anyways! Currently listening to:

1:34 AM - Saturday Morning (Home)

*Memory Lane Time*

Matt and I

Anyways, I got back in touch with my old friend Matt from high school. He is back in the states. Since he entered the Navy, we lost touch. Right now he is on a med-vacation. He had a bad time back in Sicily. I don't blame him. He always was...well weak towards others. It wasn't the Navy, but a girl who did him in. After getting admitted twice to the psych ward, he said he decided to take some time back home to see his grandparents. Which I think is a good move on his part. 

We talked all night yesterday. Talking about the past, and how we miss each other.

I was doodling yesterday, for a friend, and I decided to show him, and he confessed he still had all my drawings from high school, though they are currently in Sicily, he didn't leave them behind. Apparently he also has my old notes that I passed him in between our classes. -laughs- I had forgotten how much effort I put in to be his friend.

Quite funny how we actually became friends.

My friend Geri had a major crush on his friend Hector, and she asked me to "support" her and help her out with getting Hector alone. Matt and Hector were always together, so I had to pull Matt away from Hector. Later on, he did tell me the reason he was always with Hector. Apparently Hector has emotional problems and if a girl breaks up with him, or leaves him, he goes over the top and Matt kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't over do it. Hah. 

Anyways, so I ended up bullying him, harrassing, whatnot. The works. Basically I made him feel crappy and he hated me for it. I was only playing around, picking silly fights to get Geri some alone time. At the time, I didn't think it was actually bothering him.

I noticed only after I saw cut marks on his wrist, and I called him out on it one time during lunch...I was a bitch when I did it too. I pulled his wrist and made fun of it. -face palm- I must admit, I never actually knew anyone who suffered self harm at the time, and I was the girl who suppressed bad emotions and forced everything to be okay/happy no matter what. I was basically happy go lucky with sadness. Hahahah. 

So after I did that, Matt walked away, and Hector lectured me on what I did. I felt awful. So of course I went after Matt. I am not a bad person. I did a bad thing, but I didn't mean to touch sore spots. I followed him to his class. To this day, I remember the class, English Remedial. -laughs- He wasn't top of his class or anything, but he tried. 

He was just sitting there, looking...well pathetic. When he saw me, he groaned. Hahah, and told me to go away. I guess I am bad at listening to people when they want me to leave them. I had to poke him even more than I did. But instead of making fun of him. I was apologizing and trying to get him to hug me. Which he found annoying, constantly pushing me away. 

It ended up an "after lunch" thing. His teacher even found it funny to see me force him into a hug and hear him actually speak. Most of the time, I would end up waiting for him to get to the classroom, and if he saw me, he ran the other way. Eventually he caved in and allowed me to do whatever I wanted. 

Flash forward to the next school year, Matt ended up getting pulled into my group of friends. None he got along with. Well, he did get along with Christian, Nadia and Nicole. Then in our last year of high school he got along with everyone.

Anyways, he always complained about having me pull him along with everyone. He always wanted to be alone and hated people touching him.

To this day, I don't know exactly what happened to him, but during one lunch hour, he wasn't sitting on the steps by the tables, so I ended up searching for him. Found him in the library, crying, and hiding his arm. I don't remember what we actually talked about if we actually talked at that time, but I do remember me sitting down on the floor with him and skimming a book while he was hiding in his jacket. I don't remember who broke the silence between us, but he stated how no one was his friend, and no one cares. 

Me, being me, I slapped him. Hahaha, talk about putting salt on open wounds.

I lectured him about friends and whatnot. I know that for sure.

He left. And I know I blurted out asking if he didn't think of me as his friend.

The answer he gave me was, "No."

-laughs-

Oh, I wonder sometimes what would life have been life if at that moment I just stopped with him. Stopped talking to him and happily went on my own way. I do know I wouldn't have had to deal with rumors, and my secrets getting tossed around school because of him. But what about him? What would he be like? He always told his girlfriends about me, and he put me on a pedestal when he did too. Which I am sure both pissed off his girlfriends, or put stress on me when I didn't live up to how he described me.

Anyways, I didn't give up on him. I do know he ended up ignoring me for a few days, and I am overly sensitive about losing people. I write letters. And I shoved it to him, and walked away. I think it was that moment we actually became friends.

Walked home together, or his mom would pick me up with him. 

He even tried to teach me how to skateboard, but realized it was a bad thing when I fell flat on my face. Actually, he and I were always together, talking every night, me helping/giving advice to his problems. 

We had many short comings since he never seemed to handle having a girlfriend and me at the same time. His mom always thought he and I were together. -laughs- But he always had a thing for the girls shorter than me. Not that it bothered me, only bothered me when he ignored me because of them.

Usually his relationships ended with him calling me on the phone crying. They always dumped him, and he ran to me to cry to. I think it was because I would tell him to come over no matter what time it was, and we'd talk about random stuff, or I'd tell him stories, made up ones, while we sat outside. Because of location, stars weren't a thing we could see easily, so night sky watching never happened. 

Anyways, after everything, we lost touch. Drifted. I fell for someone and my life centered around him, and then my moving to the Philippines, and Matt with the Navy, we just naturally drifted.

But lately, he was posting negative status on facebook, so I decided to check up on him.

Even though it has been 5 years since we saw each other, and talked and opened up on a personal level, I was able to pick at his shell(or as he calls it his bubble), so we had a nice talk, and he feels better a little bit.

And somehow, I am not sure how it happened, but now I am going to put together a sketch book/folder with new drawings and send it to him on his birthday. -laughs- Because he cherishes my artwork. I am glad someone still does.

I do miss him being around.

It may seem like we have something more than a friendship.

Nah, he turned me down long time ago. And I am glad he did. I don't think he and I would have been a good match. He is...more girly than I am, and I like feeling like the girl in a relationship.

He is like a little bro to me. I watch out for him, and he cries to me about life. I miss that. I should try and keep in touch with him.

I am just glad to have been able to think about memories from high school that was both funny/sad and happy. 

(Blackmore's Night - Gone With The Wind) Music Shuffle - Boredom post

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS lTHIS OKAY" YOU SAY:
Kelly Clarkson - Tie It Up

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Daft Punk - Get Lucky

3) WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Bullet for My Valentine - Hand of Blood

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
LM.C - Bell The Cat

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Tarzan - You'll be in My Heart

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
HaleStorm - I Miss The Misery

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Icon for Hire - Iodine

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Cascada - Evacuate The Dance Floor

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Jessica Andrews - Helplessly, Hopelessly, Recklessly

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Halestorm - Sick Individual

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Emilie Autumn - Rose Red

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lonestar - Amazed

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Icon for Hire - Cynics & Critics

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Heather Dale - One of Us

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Disney Tangled - I see the Light

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
BareNaked Ladies - One Week

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Twins - Mouse Loves Rice

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Walk the Moon - Shut Up and Dance with Me

20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Halestorm - Unapologietic

21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Gazette - Distress and Coma

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Lee Hyori - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Halestorm - Here's to us

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Queen - Somebody to love

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Aladdin Disney - One Jump Ahead

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Vocaloid - Irony

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Hunter Hayes - Wanted

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Emilie Autumn - The Art of Suicide

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Blackmore's Night - Gone With The Wind

12:00 Midnight - Tuesday Early Morning (Bed)

Sometimes, late at night, I like taking crappy selfies on my laptop -laughs-

My hair likes to be wild. Natural untamed hair. If only the quality was better, the curls would be seen. Tsk.

Had a quick chat with the older sister, and she is amazed at how fluffy my hair has become. Apparently she forgot all through high school I straightened my hair. Hah.

It lead us to talk about how all three of our hairs are different. Rosie has that "asian" silky hair. Sara has the course thick hair, and I have the, what Sara likes to call it "Baby doll" hair.

She calls it that because it is curly but not curly enough to consider it curly, but too much to consider it wavy. Hahahah. It usually just reminds her of the toy baby dolls we got as kids. Only difference is that my hair is loads softer. -nods-

Hair jealousy in my family is strong. I love Sara's hair. So straight and thick. Mine is just fluffy so it lies to people. Hahahah, not all that thick.

But in the end, I wouldn't trade my mess for anything. At least it allows me to look slightly older than what most people here think I am. Also styling it isn't a hassle, which is always a plus for a female.

Just having a little late night rambling.

Also, I don't remember if I ever shown my lovely sleeping buddy on here.

My teddy. My special bear that I bring almost every where and sleep with. Most important stuff animal I currently have.

I am a child....-facepalm- I really love stuff animals.

1:56 PM - Monday Afternoon

Just woke up from a short nap.

It is the first day of school for both elementary and high school students at the university.

So happy to see my younger sister wearing the same uniform our older sister wore.

I am the only sister now who never had a high school uniform. -laughs- I feel kind of left out. But that is all good. I have 19 uniforms for my schooling. I do not need any more.

I also decided to put the see through turtle charm on my tattoo choker. Since it is from Sara. She deserves to be close to me most of the time.

What are up with the photos? Most of them are from my mom's place, out back. -laughs- I still have a lot of photos. Just really lazy about posting them. Eventually I will. Maybe. If I remember. Hahah. Still haven't gone through my actual camera. Too many photos and I don't remember where I put my cord.

Sam and her girl seems to have made up. Though I am nearly certain it was based off what I told Sam to do. -shakes head- She kept waking me up at the oddest hours, calling and crying for advice, then she randomly thanked me. I don't even remember what I told her! -laughs- I wish I did. Might help me out if I ever needed advice. 

She also messaged me today asking about our friend Patricia. She asked if I knew that she was going back to the states. And I told her I knew and I supported her decision about it. She isn't happy here and too stressed. Which upsetted Sam a lot more than it should. She doesn't want Patricia to leave. She wants her to stay here. It will be hard for her when I leave the Philippines. Hopefully she keeps in mind I will leave after I graduate. 

I am happy though. I talked to him a lot...randomly. Haha. He makes me smile so easily. I just....yeah. -smiles- Though I haven't talked to him much this weekend, I guess his internet hasn't come back on or he got busy. I already knew he was going to be busy I am just glad he has made time to talk to lil old me as much as he has. 

So far so good. Enjoying life and such. School starts next week. I am already tired thinking about it.

But I do have a pocket wifi now, so I should easily be able to go online this time. Have to ask Ember how to work it. She has the same one I got last week.

I know I don't post here regularly anymore. I am just being slightly lazy. But I am still going to post. After all this is my spot.

12:00 Noon - Wednesday Afternoon (Home)

Yesterday I returned back from Duero.

My mom leaves this Friday. We were suppose to be back Sunday, but thanks to my uncle getting into a drunken brawl, we had to push off coming back so we can sort things out.

I took a lot more photos, but they are on my camera, these are from my cellphone.

As much as I love it there, the signal is a turn off for me.

No matter where I go, the signal flakes out on me, making it hard to keep in touch with anyone. It was to the point my dad freaked out because I told him we'd be home on Sunday, but we didn't. So he got all worried on us.

I also sprained my left ankle, thanks to mountain climbing with my cousins late at night. They wanted to go to my aunt's place, which is far into the mountain, so I tagged along, not such a good idea since I am not use to the terrain like that are. But it worked out well enough.

I wanted to go cliff diving/jumping, but I decided against it. Knowing me, I would end up getting badly hurt. So instead, I went and jumped off the boat shaped rock with my cousins. It is something my family, and others do during fiestas/birthdays/gatherings of all sorts.

My cousins do it when all the 1st degree cousins are present. Kind of a small gathering within the family.

It was fun. Not going to lie, but the whole time, all I wanted to do was talk to him.

That was all I wanted. I kept sending him messages, hopefully he received them. 

I am still sending him messages.

Though he is no longer logged in, I send him messages anyways. Because I really do want to talk to him. I miss having his attention.

I enrolled into my third year today. But sadly, couldn't enroll into any of my classes. -sighs- They haven't decided if we will be reshuffled, or if we will stay in the same section.

I think they have given up on us, because doesn't matter which section they put us, it won't make a difference.

I want to keep in the section I am in, solely do to the fact I know the names of everyone, and I don't have to remember new ones. I know a few from the other section. I am really bad with names. I usually give them nicknames until I can actually remember.

Also, I can rely on my section more. 

Ahhh......I want to talk to him. I really do. I miss him so much!

I am sick, and my cousins keep poking fun that I am love sick over him.

They don't know who, but they know it is someone I am constantly messaging and smiling randomly at my phone. -shyly smiles- I miss him. Hopefully I get to talk to him soon.