Happy Thanksgiving!

I am happy to say it's that day! It's Turkey day! -laughs- Gobble gobble. 

I hope everyone is feeling thankful! 

Let's see I have to do two more. -nods-

Things I am thankful for:

27. Being blessed with life - I simply love everything in my life.

28. Love 

What am I most thankful for this year? 

Something I hold very close to my heart. Something very dear to me. It's not just a person, but the feeling this person gives me. The stuff this person does, and what this person is. I'm thankful for all the times he has allowed me in his life despite how our lives get so messed up from talking. for always thinking of my feelings, putting up with my moods, and for always putting a big goofy smile on my face. That he is the only one who can make me blush so badly, to be the one who makes my heart race. That he is him and no one else. I'm thankful for my love towards him. The love I've had for a very long time. 

He knows so much about me, and yet he always wants to know more. The time he takes to make sure I'm in his life, the effort he makes to breaks down my walls to my inner feelings and secrets. That he always ask what I am thinking or how I was feeling. That he worries about my well being. The way he tells me I'm pretty, how perfect I am despite my flaws. How he makes me fears and worries vanish so quickly by telling me he's there and everything is okay. 

I'm thankful he's waiting for me and that I have him in my life, despite screwing up during the very beginning. 

And that he cares deeply enough to not scare me off and take things slowly, so I am not pressured or do things I don't want to do. 

I'm thankful for him. -smiles- 

If you haven't caught on yet. I am in love with him. I love him. I love him. I love him.

I will put my heart on the line for this guy. 

-smiles- Just thought I should tell everyone what I am most thankful for this year.

Until next time, Ciao~ 

A Post Before Bed

Decided that I should post before I go to bed.

So yesterday was fairly interesting at work, had two people come back and tried to get in. Thankfully they didn't and hurried away. But of course that was before the cops came by. When the cops did I explained everything. So in reaction to that they put more lights up around the building, now I feel safer at work than I did before.

I forgotten to put a post up yesterday. -shakes head- I am such an on and off blogger it's so silly.

So in a few days it's Thanksgiving! I hope everyone is getting excited over it. -smiles- I have to work that evening, but I'm going to put the most I can during the day time. -nods- Work might be boring, but it has to be done. I'm not the only one working during this Holiday. My other friends who work night time shifts also have to work that day. 

So I'm very tired, but I thought I should put two more things I am thankful for.

Things I'm thankful for:

25. Patience - I am sure without this lovely trait I would have already done a lot I most likely would regret later in life. I am very thankful towards this.

26. Surprises - No, not the ones you expect or something, the little ones at put a big goofy smile on your face and make you feel warm and fuzzy. Those kinds, I am thankful to them.

Well, until next time, Ciao~ 

Random post

Out of boredom I decided to sing a part of two different songs. Just because I have nothing better to do.

Until later, Ciao

One thing after another

I just realized something. When one bad thing happens, it tends to snow ball into a lot of other bad things.

I wonder why that is. I got home this morning, only to find out my cat isn't doing too well. -sighs- If she doesn't get well with the next week or so we're going to put her down. I really don't want to. Even though she ignores me most of the time she tends to cuddle up when I need something/one to hug when I unhappy.

My mom had visited me this morning at work, she didn't mention it to me at all. In fact I think she was purposely not trying to tell me. I really don't want to give her up, or put her down. I hope she gets well soon.

At this very moment I am at work, and the moment my dad leaves, and Pat, the officer right before me, left I started my patrol and when I got back inside the building, my knee started acting up again. Now it's in pain. I can't say it's from work, or I was injured on the job because it's pain from before. Thank goodness my brace was in my backpack, if it wasn't I think I would have to have called in. 

This weekend just doesn't seem to like me. -sighs- It's times like this where I can use someone to cry to, or whine about nonsense as they would try to make me smile. I guess all I can do is suck it up and move on. Hopefully these bad days won't last much longer, I don't know how much more I can take all at once.

Since I am posting twice in the same day (go me) I won't be updating what I am thankful for.

Well, I'm just going to go and watch the raindrops hit the ground and figure out why I haven't been able to get much sleep these past few days. -sad face- I hope all you guys out there are doing well.

Until next time, Ciao~

Work, work, work

My job, same as last year, stress free, simple, easy, etc., yet I still can't seem to find the time to blog correctly like before. If only Jen was around. 

I am able to get online during my work hours, but that's because of my wonderful work's hotspot, though it has a limited amount of data I could use, as well as the battery life sucks major balls. But it's better than nothing, though I am usually on my phone unless I am going to have a nice long conversation with someone, then I'd use my laptop, during that time I forget to update this blog.

Work is dull, and I realized recently I'm going to be alone on Thanksgiving. Not only on that day, but as well as my 21st birthday AND Christmas. Oh the holidays alone I'm just not use to. But at least this year is almost over right?

-smiles- Though this hasn't been the best year, it also wasn't the worst.

At work I have time to think, time to organize my scattered thoughts, sometimes I can make sense of what is running through my head, other times I get even more confused. 

Lately, I've been thinking of my sister Sara. How in the past I was always second in everyone's life, how I still feel like I'm second. How everything I want is always just in reach but somehow gets away. And just that thought alone makes me want to give up on so many things. People say I am always so happy, how I am so great at putting a smile on their face. How can I blanket state out loud I'm unhappy? I just want to be hugged and told it'll be okay, that I won't be alone anymore. That I have nothing to worry about.

Then I rethink that, why should someone else be responsible for making me happy? It's my choice. My own decision about how I feel at this moment in life. True, that tucking feeling in my heart and the dropping stomach won't disappear because I put a brave face on. But at least I am being responsible for my own feelings. Making me happy isn't someone else's job, in fact it isn't a job. I don't know what it is, but it's something only I, and I alone can do. Though having someone there would make it easier.

I have also listened to Peter, Paul and Mary. Not the best singers out there, but it's a group my father use to listen to when I was just a kid. And the memories came flooding back, and put a smile on my face.

Things I'm thankful for:

23. Pain - Unlike most people, I thankful for it. It allows me to know I'm alive and eventually things will get better.

24. Tomorrow - It brings me hope of a better day.

Until next time, Ciao~

Once again...

I haven't posted in a while. I just been, distracted greatly.

I started working once again, and I have been very tired. Though it's not all bad, I would pass the time talking to someone amazing, though he doesn't know it.

Anyways, it's that time of year again in the USA. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Sadly I won't be spending it with my family, in fact I'm going to be spending it alone in a big building by myself. My family though will be attending a get together full of fun people. I am going to miss the dancing competition. It's a group dance, where you join in with a group. A few of the girls and I were working on a routine, but I suppose it's for the best since my knee is still acting up from time to time.

Is it saddening that I'll be alone on Thanksgiving? No, I don't think so. I wouldn't know, I just have to look at it as another day passing by. Though I will also be alone on Christmas and on New Years. -weak laugh- I guess that means I'll be spending my year alone, and to myself. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking and opening up lately to one person. Things I wouldn't really say to people, even the ones I consider my bestest of best friends. The things one rather keep hidden. To feel that exposed to someone is very scary for me.I just hope he knows that I trust him. 

I cried earlier this evening. Something I haven't done in over a year. I was listening to music, and then my tears started to fall. Did I mean to cry? Did I want to? No. I didn't. I don't like crying. But I am a cry baby. I cry over everything, but I always come out with a smile. 

Most people usually say hat they are mostly Thankful for, I guess in light of the season I shall list 22 things I am thankful for. (The date of today) I'll do so until Thanksgiving, meaning I shall be writing more~

Things I'm thankful for:

1. Being alive - Yes I am very thankful for that, I like being alive.

2. My family - They aren't always the perfect family, but they are the best for me. They put up with my quirks and still love me for me.

3. My healthy - Health in my family isn't that great, most of my family has many health problems, I am lucky enough to have none as of yet, and hoping I won't later on.

4. My ability to smile - No matter what happens in life, the good, the bad, the fact I can smile means I will be okay.

5. The internet - No, not because of a pass time, but because it has allowed me to meet amazing people that if the internet wasn't around I would have never known.

6. My voice - The ability to talk is something important to me. Because I am scared of speaking my mind, the option of being able to is very comforting.

7. My best friends - No matter what I do they're always there. They allow me to cry my eyes out to them, allow me to be a baby when I can no longer hold on, and they'll bring me back to reality with a smile.

8. My heart - Without it I wouldn't be alive.

9. Emotions - Yes, sometimes people claim they wish they didn't have any; I can't imagine life without all the emotions. They make us human, make us feel and know what we want.

10. Being able to forgive - Forgiveness is something most people are unable to do. I am happy to know I am able to forgive. 

11. Ashe - Though he may not know it, he is a person I can talk to easily, someone who isn't just a dear friend, but someone who is so close to my heart it suffocates me.

12. My mom - She is my solid rock in my life. She helps me stand tall and basically in the end, she's my truest best friend.

13. Art - Art is something I love. 

14. Music - Allows me to feel and be able to connect to when there is no one to talk to.

15. Gaia online - (laughs) Yes, a website. Without this site I think I'd be bored to tears, and this site also brought such an amazing person in my life.

16. Sight - Even though I wear glasses, at least I can still see.

17. This blog - Allows me to express what is on my mind through writing.

18. My past teachers - I still keep in touch with some. The ones who made such a big difference in my life.

19. Abdon - I don't talk to him anymore, but he was my best friend in Middle School. And he has helped me in the biggest way possible. He helped me when I was down in high school, despite he and I fought a lot.

20. Theater - I just adore theater.

21. People who show kindness to others - Whenever I see someone put a smile on someone else's face by doing the smallest thing, it warms my heart.

22. Dreams - Thankful for dreams, it gives me something to hope and wish for.

That's all for now. Until next time, Ciao~