Meant to be

Recently I have been talking to Matt first ex girlfriend. Her name is Nikki. She hated me in high school when they were dating. 

I also was talking to his second love, Lynh. She and him dated for about 1.5 years. The second longest relationship he had. Apparently they both had the same feelings about him and I during high school.

We were meant to be. He and I had something that was not just friendship. I never thought much about it because he was my best friend and I was always chasing after someone else, he was as well. We'd support each other and the choice of crush and if gotten far enough boyfriend/girlfriend.

Now I was friends with Lynh. Nikki and I were friends until she decided to date Matt. So, she ended up hating me since I was his best friend. Lynh didn't hate me. But she always did feel that the one who should be dating him was me. Nikki admitted she felt the same way, in fact she knew he and I should have been together. She is really happy that we are cause apparently I was very important to him and it always made her jealous.

Now see, Matt was anti-social. Never had a best friend. Never got close to people. He hated people hugging him. He had a bubble around him keeping others away.

Then there was me. A bubbly, stubborn girl who always had to have her way. I declared him as my best friend. Bullied the crap out of him and then kept trying to make it up to him with hugs. I was not just the first girl to hug him. I was the first non-family member to. I was the first friend, and female, he ever brought home and introduced to his family. I was the first friend he ever called on a phone. I...I was special to him. In so many ways that didn't dealt with more than a friend. I was his first actual true friend.

Most of his firsts were with me. Nothing sexual or anything like kissing and such. Just friend stuff.

Now, I am a virgin. Not cause I couldn't have sex. But cause I didn't want to risk getting pregnant. Yes I know, there are ways to protect oneself from that. But I had plans and even though I truly wanted to lose it to Ashe, I am kinda glad I didn't. Matt is also glad I didn't. He is beyond happy that he will be the one to take it. He jokes about it since I am 25 years old. But he knows I fell in love with someone so far away. And when I was single I never paid attention to another guy unless I had strong feelings.

The fact that the person I had a lot of firsts with. First friend I walked with from school. First friend I made bleed, etc etc. And I was most of his firsts....it is ironic that my first time will be with him. He thinks that it means something. I kinda like that thought too. That life brought us together and made us see different people until we both were ready for each other. Life made him mature and care for girls in such a tender way. While I learned to rely and be vulnerable.

What always shocks me is how rough and firm he can be when we make out. He is so sure of himself while feeling me up and teasing me. The dorky wimp ended up being the one to pull my hair and kiss me strongly. He became someone who's touch was firm yet not painful. I feel we have a slight fun relationship. He also feels I am quite like a cat. And it turns him on when I melt when he rubs his hand against my jaw. He enjoys seeing my defenses break down and stare up at him with trusting eyes. 

But I am also a brat. He knows very well I will purpose push his buttons and he enjoys "punishing" me. Usually with a hard bite or a hard smack on my bottom. 

I am his brat. ❤ I love that he handles me very well and willing puts up with me. I know he is having fun with me just as I am with him.

Maybe he and I truly were meant to be. After all he and I agreed this relationship has no quitting. We are in it to the end. Every hardship. Every happiness. Every challenge along the way. He and I both agree not to break up. Yes we know the future is uncertain. But being best friends for a decade, knowing everything about each other. Some people say, "Marry your best friend". Well we decided that there is no one else worth spending the rest of our lives together. We are still taking it slow since we want to enjoy each other. We both are happy to know we will not end. Not now. Not ever.

Time Spending and jealousy

I get jealous really easily apparently. And when jealous I tend to get grumpy/grouchy. Happens every once in a while. 

Somehow Matt talks me down and lectures me over emotionally shutting down and pushing him away. Honestly, he is too good for me. I am so use to the person just leaving me the moment things don't go smoothly, usually because my insecurities get the best of me. But Matt literally breaks down every barrier I put up when I get into a mood. It is really hard to think that this is the guy that I use to do the exact same thing to back in high school. Now he gives me the exact same lectures.

Last week, I had my first full week at work. I started the Friday before, and informed him how often I got hit on at the register. So that made me place my class ring on my wedding finger instead of my middle finger. At quick glance can't tell the difference. Didn't do it to "be married" or anything. Just to tone it down on the creeps like I did back in the Philippines. This sparked an idea in Matt's mind. He got himself a ring, sadly they didn't have a couple set, so we set to order a set online. Now just waiting on it to arrive. -laughs- Two months into the relationship and we tell people we are married. How....cringy. I usually make fun of girls who take things too fast. But he and I both discussed the topic of marriage and future goals/plans; to see if we would work out in the long run. Neither of us wants to waste each other's time so to prevent one from falling too fast and realizing the different end goals too late, we openly talked about it. There of course we a few disagreements and eye-rolling. Mainly because of his 50/50 mind set on going back to the navy. As much as I loved that he served the country, I don't know if I can handle a husband who would be on a ship for who knows how long. I'd get lonely and dunno if he would be able to handle it either.
After his last relationship, had he re-enlisted, he would not have thought twice and had nothing to stop him. Now that I am the most important person in his life, he doesn't want to leave me for long periods of time. Which is understandable. I did the LDR thing, and it sucked. I could handle it, he barely could. Plus his faith on LDRs went out the door cause of his ex. And I am too clingy to want to part longer than a few hours. I deal with not seeing him every day, but months at a time? Hell no!

Which brings me to time spending.
For most of my teenage hood, and young adulthood. I believed that once people get busy they will drift. I mean look at Ashe and I. Even when I try to be just friends with him, he always disappeared on me for long periods. Same with Brian and Brandon. The only person who didn't. The only person who makes sure to greet me the moment they wake up and inform me the moment they sleep....is Matt.
I thought he'd feel it was weird sleeping at the same time at night, but he feels more secure knowing I am home, in bed asleep when he is. He also doesn't drive away until I am safely inside my place and wave at him from my window. He refuses to leave if he feels something is wrong. Just like why he keeps me on his left side. Because if something bad were to happen he would be able to protect me.
He is the biggest goof ball i ever known. He is such a weeabo, likes the weirdest things, a total geek who can come off as a bit of a creep....but the moment that my safe is at risk, or he feels worried over me, he completely changes right back into his military self. It is really weird seeing him like that. And noticing it.
This week was the first time I laid on his lap. The first time he and I total each other things no one else would ever know about. Embarrassing things, funny things, stupid things. This seems to happen more and more.
Whenever I get off work at night and he comes to get me (and my friend Ileana who needa a ride home), he would drop her off and then we would sit in his car outside of my place talking and laughing and teasing each other.

My time is no longer free. I gotten busy with work, studying and still somehow Matt manages to make sure to see me almost every night. Later this morning, he is to pick me up at 8:30AM. I am accompanying him to get his car checked out. These are the things that make me fall for him. They might not mean much to others. In fact many would hate to go, but to me...the fact he wants me to do the mundane errands with him....it makes us seem more like a couple who would last.

So what is our future goals?
We both want marriage. A family. A home. We want love in our lives.
He knows it will be a while til I am ready to have kids, but he is happy that I want them with him. Honestly, he would make a great father. The way he cares for his baby sister warms my heart.

They were right.
Life is much better spent with your best friend. I may not be married to him yet. Not even engaged. But I do now believe that one should marry their best friend.

My past and first love will always remain with me. Maybe if life turned out the way we wanted it to, we would be together making these future plans.
But that is the thing. Life takes us all on unexpected journeys. And this turn of events made it possible for me to find the love of my life in my best friend. The best relationships are the ones that are unexpected. I always wanted a fairytale love story....but this one is better. I am happily in love with my best friend and successful so far been a little over 2 months with him. Hopefully we will stay together for the rest of our lives.