Book Of Life - I Love You Too Much (Diego Luna & adrisaurus)

2:16 AM - Thursday Early Morning (Bed)

So, I am feeling better. My mom has been calling me basically every few hours to make sure I am okay. We don't know what was the initial cause of what made me feel so awful. I had to miss duty Tuesday and Wednesday. So now I have two days replacements for duty. And it is only because my mom lectured me to stay home and relax since my body was not doing well.

Much better now, no more vomiting and anything else. So I am going to attend my classes tomorrow and try to hold out all day long. Hah. Hopefully my body won't tire out during the day.

My mom has been overly sweet to me since I called her in pain. Hehe...a mother's love. Got to say, Matt has been a cool guy about me complaining about being in pain and feeling gross these past two days. 

Just glad to be feeling better. Let's hope that I won't have that again.

7:23am -Tuesday Morning (Bed)

Currently feeling like crap. Been awake since 3am vomitting up everything in me.
I really feel crappy. -sighs- i hope i am well soon.

9:41 AM - Sunday Night (Home)

So, since today was a bit eventful, and so was yesterday, I decided to at least blog about it. Maybe it'll help with keeping me unstressed. -laughs-

I got a free necklace, it is so pretty. Happened after patient assessment, this girl randomly came up to me, gave it to me and walked away. LATER I learned it was my god sister who gave me a really REALLY late birthday gift. -laughs- Her mom called me over before I walked out of the Medical 2 ward to go home, and she talked to me about my mom. Which does explain why she randomly called out to me earlier before I started my Sunday assessments, asking if I was Jenny Jamila's daughter. -laughs- Talk about awkward, it was in front of my classmates too and they were shocked to have someone know me and I didn't know them. I think I should take more care of the people my mom introduces me to, or tells me about. Would make my life more interesting.

Saturday was a Sandugo event where I live. It is a festival that lasts all month I think, and many different events. I didn't have anyone to go to the street party with, no load means no way to contact my friends here if they aren't home. -laughs- But I went to the trade fair that they hold, and I found some very cute chokers. My collection is growing slowly. Patricia also is waiting until she has free time to send me a choker she bought for me in Japan. I miss her, but glad she is unwinding with her sister.

Well, that was all. It was a lot more eventful than how I write it out, but all the same.

Now I should really start that assignment from Soc sci....write a love letter. -face palm- I don't want to, much too hard to keep it short, and whatnot. 

Back to my NCPs, Drug Studies, and Profiles for my patients. Sometimes I am a good student nurse. Hah.

10:27 AM - Wednesday Morning (Home)

So, I am home since it is duty day, but no duty so I have nothing to do.

Thus, deciding to actually make a post on here.

So what has been going on in my life? Not much but at the same time a lot.

I been waiting to talk to him, and he hasn't been online, I think it may be for  the best, even though I still look forward to see if he'll be online, I miss talking to him, but he seems to have gotten his life back on track without me. I am not needed in his life, so I guess I should bow my head and let him walk away. I'll be okay. I just miss him.

So duty, duty was okay. It was the first day yesterday. It was in the Medical 2 ward. Let's hope I don't get sick from this ward.

Well, I think this will be the last post for a while. 

With whatever is going on with China here, and everyone worried there might be a war/confrontation between the Philippines and China, my mom has kept me busy and on edge in case something happens. 

Here's to trying to stay alive.

7:14 PM - Wednesday Evening (Home)

Okay. This has nothing to do with anyone, but I am getting tired of everyone.

I put myself out there, over and over again.

And what happens?

I am not really needed. -laughs- Here I thought I could brighten up everyone's days, help bring smiles to their faces.

I guess I was wrong.

I guess what I should be doing is to just let people do whatever they want. After all, they only come to me if they need something. -sighs- I really miss being at home. My home back in Florida. Even though no one needed me there, I at least was able to hide away in my books and do my own thing without having to turn my head every few minutes, worrying someone will come to me.

During my Demos for skills lab, my group threw me under. Why? Because they wanted to go alphabetically, and with my last name, I am always first in my group. After I do mine, the rest was not in alphabetically order. They all just wanted to get a better grade on it so they asked me what the questions were, what to do exactly.

Little by little, I am wearing down. I know that is always the reason why they make me go first.

Why don't I voice out and go against it?

I am stuck with the same people until I graduate, so the least drama I start or get involved in the easier my life will be.

Ember suggested I go for Ms. HNU Nursing 2016-2017. At first I thought she was joking. I mean, I am not, very far from even being, one of the beautiful girls. Which made Ember mad. She thinks I am very pretty, or well cute. She loves it when my hair is down. But she is a sweet soul, so she says that to everyone. Though she was serious about it. She claims I would win due to the fact the instructors all love me, that no one hates me. Which Gerald agreed, stating that it was hard to see anyone even disliking me.

Am I going to compete? No.

I know who I am. I am no beauty queen, I am the little bookworm who loves bright colors, funky hairstyles, "stylish" nails, and notebooks. Hahaha, I am not the type who would win something like that.

I became the section mayor again instead.

Everyone says that is what I am good at. I deal with the paperwork, the people, and settle any problems, I go to the meetings.

Also, my uncle is so freaking stupid. In fact my whole family is stupid.

Maybe, sometimes I feel that Sara was right in all of it. Just walk away, and never look back.

I started thinking, what would happen if I drop off the face of the earth. If I changed what I looked like, hair and eye color. Hah, I tanned a bit so I am at least a nice olive color. I plan on maintaining this skin tone. Who would miss me?

I only speak to a couple of people. Ileana, Sondra, him, and now Matt. Though, Matt and him only talk to me when they have time. I am thankful about that. Life does get in the way of things. Sondra is busy, and Ileana talks to me to complain about life, or something. Other than that I just talk to Sara, and even then it isn't often. She just wants to make me watch her game.

I am nearly certain all of my classmates putting responsibility on me throwing me under so they can do well because they know somehow I manage to get a high grade, has just put me off talking to people.

I also ended up talking to Ember about my high school life. She wanted to know the worse thing in high school I learn/experienced. And I told her about Marjan. About how for years thought she was my friend. How she was my first friend in the school, and how I told her everything, and was open to her, then it came and bit me in the ass.

Ember asked if that is why I don't talk about myself to people. 

But it also got me thinking, how many people do I consider a friend actually talks behind my back and laughs at me. How many people do I truly trust and they make the rumors about me and lie.

I ended up wondering how many people just put up with me.

I know I am not the most amazing person in the world. I am annoying, I barely have anything to talk about. I love having attention, I rarely say what I want, I pick fights when I am scared of losing something important to me. I force things, I open my mouth and my jokes are never funny. 

I am not sad or anything. it is just a thought. How many people actually are a person's friend?

Not many, I am sure. That is how things are, and always will be.

Ugh, I miss him. I haven't talked to him since last time I said I talked to him. I keep messaging but nothing. He isn't even online anymore.

Hopefully he is okay and well. I know he is. -laughs- But still, I am a worrywart when it comes to people important to me.

Well back to doing what I always do.