Memory Lane?

Decided to go through a few unopened boxes with my name on it and in said boxes... apparently my wolf tail(fake and for cosplay/dress up) and my lace gloves. -laughs- God these items are so old. Was from 9th grade or  early 10th grade. I thought I was the hottest shit whenever I stood out from the norm until I made my mouse jacket. 

I definitely was so far from being cool, but I still think I had enough style to be a "main character" back then. Haha. Today has been a...goodish(?) day so far. Been playing music and going down memory lane. I also found a bracelet Abdon gave me in 8th grade. I am so unbelievably happy I found it. I had thought I lost it years ago. 

You know...seeing things from years that were necessarily happy years, they make me feel okay. I've been feeling down recently. Mainly because I am still adjusting to not talking to him as much as I have, and feeling like I got tossed aside because I didn't line up with his life and that we'd be friends. We always say we'll stay friends. But friends talk. I try to keep an open line but somehow...it feels empty because it's just us repeating hellos and that we hope the other is okay. I am not use to the silence. Which I think is what broke me all those years ago. He said this time it is different. He isn't just going to disappear. But drifting and knowing it's on purpose hurts more than us just naturally drifting. And that's saying something since I can go weeks without talking to Ile or months without talking to Sondra(who is my soul sister) and not feel empty about it. I get life gets busy and we can't be anything other than friends....but this isn't even a friendship. I don't know what this is. I just miss him. 

And not going to lie, I feel like a fool for even telling the two important people I was talking to him again. Because when asked how he is doing, I tell them we aren't talking much anymore. I am not crying about it. It just sucks knowing I was very opening and myself when I talk to him and now I just hold back. It's been basically a whole month since we actually talked about anything of substance. We had talked for a few days about that one anime and shows he was going to watch. I hope he enjoys those animes as much as I did and his other friends did. And I hope he knows I am always here for him...but I am the one always reaching out to him. Something happens my first reaction is to talk to him, good or bad. But I know it's not the same for him or if it is he doesn't act upon it. 

So...at what point will it stick in my head that the lack of effort from a person is the lack of interest in me despite what is said? 

I'll be fine. I'm always fine. I'm just going to be different again and that is okay. 

I decided to take a moment and actually post a thought or two since I been just posting music and quotes. Which I will continue doing just because I am now more hesitant to share my thoughts.