Got Through The Day

Day two of doodling at work. I think I have finally got my little doodle block out after all this years. Shivani likes to come into my room when I'm not busy to take my sketchbook to flip through it. She apparently doesn't need to ask permission to go through it. Hah, because "part of the team." 

I guess when I am down I become more artistic. Go figure on that. Haha. But these doodles are coming out really well. 

Now that I am part of the team, Shivani and Charrise are brainstorming "Christmas ideas" for us. Apparently last year they all got sweaters with their faces on it and wore them every Friday of December. They also were judging me on my "wishlist" for my birthday. "Stickers, pens, pencils, and scissors" aren't birthday gifts. I told them I added a reusable sticker book. The glare I got. Guess I got to actually think of things I want but won't buy myself. But I also don't like asking for things...and the things I want aren't really something I can get easily. But I'll make a proper list. 

Work itself...was a busy day. Lisa, the practice manager, keeps forgetting I chopped my hair off so she keeps having to do double takes when she is looking for me. 

Also stayed late to help Shivani and Charrise decorate pod 2 for another tech's bday. She isn't on our team but she helps us out whenever their doctor isn't in clinic. So she is an honorary team member. Plus she is Charrise's best friend. 

I am tired. And feeling a bit lonely again. I like being at work because I have people I can chitchat with. Once I'm back at the apartment, it's just lonely. I guess I have to eventually find a new rhythm. I miss him talking to me. I actually miss being able to sleep early. My mind is so full of thoughts it doesn't want to drift away early. Maybe that's why I started posting more again. Because I have no one to talk to. Even though this is public, and even though I don't like being open. No one here knows me. So it doesn't matter. I can come and go as I please and no one will care.

 If I was with Isaac and Gio, then I feel like it wouldn't be so bad, mainly because the place would be loud and I'd be busy keeping a household. 

Ugh, I am so pitiful. I am whining and complaining about being down and holding onto hope he'll reach out first. But the only time he reached out is when I did first. I wish we can go back to how it was just small talk. Just to know we are there still. 

It's fine. I'll be fine. I told him I closed that door, but the door is unlocked. I just wish he knew to walk back in. It's never locked when it's him.

I'm going to go and try and figure out something to eat for dinner.