Feelings

 

I hate myself. I hate my feelings. I hate everything right now. I feel too much and nothing at all. 

I fell in love with him. So hard in love. Maybe I never stopped being in love with him. I don't think I ever will be. My heart is shattered in so many pieces. My mind is tired. I told him we can just be friends and I drew that line. I closed that door. But I truly don't want to. I hate it. But I hate him feeling guilty. I hate all of this. I hate that he agrees. I hate that the one person I want is always the one person I cannot have. 

I just hate everything. I tell him one thing because at the moment that's how I feel and the next I just want to pull him in and tell him I am where he belongs. Which I am not, because he deserves better.

I always wanted him to fight for me to be his. And he never did. He always wants to just be friends.

I am so...I feel so worthless with my emotions. I just...again hate everything.

One day maybe someone will tell me that they love me and no matter what I say or do or agree with they will just remind me I am theirs. I just want someone to call home. I want to be someone's home.

Anyways, that's all for today..