*Memory Lane Time*
Matt and I
Anyways, I got back in touch with my old friend Matt from high school. He is back in the states. Since he entered the Navy, we lost touch. Right now he is on a med-vacation. He had a bad time back in Sicily. I don't blame him. He always was...well weak towards others. It wasn't the Navy, but a girl who did him in. After getting admitted twice to the psych ward, he said he decided to take some time back home to see his grandparents. Which I think is a good move on his part.
We talked all night yesterday. Talking about the past, and how we miss each other.
I was doodling yesterday, for a friend, and I decided to show him, and he confessed he still had all my drawings from high school, though they are currently in Sicily, he didn't leave them behind. Apparently he also has my old notes that I passed him in between our classes. -laughs- I had forgotten how much effort I put in to be his friend.
Quite funny how we actually became friends.
My friend Geri had a major crush on his friend Hector, and she asked me to "support" her and help her out with getting Hector alone. Matt and Hector were always together, so I had to pull Matt away from Hector. Later on, he did tell me the reason he was always with Hector. Apparently Hector has emotional problems and if a girl breaks up with him, or leaves him, he goes over the top and Matt kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't over do it. Hah.
Anyways, so I ended up bullying him, harrassing, whatnot. The works. Basically I made him feel crappy and he hated me for it. I was only playing around, picking silly fights to get Geri some alone time. At the time, I didn't think it was actually bothering him.
I noticed only after I saw cut marks on his wrist, and I called him out on it one time during lunch...I was a bitch when I did it too. I pulled his wrist and made fun of it. -face palm- I must admit, I never actually knew anyone who suffered self harm at the time, and I was the girl who suppressed bad emotions and forced everything to be okay/happy no matter what. I was basically happy go lucky with sadness. Hahahah.
So after I did that, Matt walked away, and Hector lectured me on what I did. I felt awful. So of course I went after Matt. I am not a bad person. I did a bad thing, but I didn't mean to touch sore spots. I followed him to his class. To this day, I remember the class, English Remedial. -laughs- He wasn't top of his class or anything, but he tried.
He was just sitting there, looking...well pathetic. When he saw me, he groaned. Hahah, and told me to go away. I guess I am bad at listening to people when they want me to leave them. I had to poke him even more than I did. But instead of making fun of him. I was apologizing and trying to get him to hug me. Which he found annoying, constantly pushing me away.
It ended up an "after lunch" thing. His teacher even found it funny to see me force him into a hug and hear him actually speak. Most of the time, I would end up waiting for him to get to the classroom, and if he saw me, he ran the other way. Eventually he caved in and allowed me to do whatever I wanted.
Flash forward to the next school year, Matt ended up getting pulled into my group of friends. None he got along with. Well, he did get along with Christian, Nadia and Nicole. Then in our last year of high school he got along with everyone.
Anyways, he always complained about having me pull him along with everyone. He always wanted to be alone and hated people touching him.
To this day, I don't know exactly what happened to him, but during one lunch hour, he wasn't sitting on the steps by the tables, so I ended up searching for him. Found him in the library, crying, and hiding his arm. I don't remember what we actually talked about if we actually talked at that time, but I do remember me sitting down on the floor with him and skimming a book while he was hiding in his jacket. I don't remember who broke the silence between us, but he stated how no one was his friend, and no one cares.
Me, being me, I slapped him. Hahaha, talk about putting salt on open wounds.
I lectured him about friends and whatnot. I know that for sure.
He left. And I know I blurted out asking if he didn't think of me as his friend.
The answer he gave me was, "No."
-laughs-
Oh, I wonder sometimes what would life have been life if at that moment I just stopped with him. Stopped talking to him and happily went on my own way. I do know I wouldn't have had to deal with rumors, and my secrets getting tossed around school because of him. But what about him? What would he be like? He always told his girlfriends about me, and he put me on a pedestal when he did too. Which I am sure both pissed off his girlfriends, or put stress on me when I didn't live up to how he described me.
Anyways, I didn't give up on him. I do know he ended up ignoring me for a few days, and I am overly sensitive about losing people. I write letters. And I shoved it to him, and walked away. I think it was that moment we actually became friends.
Walked home together, or his mom would pick me up with him.
He even tried to teach me how to skateboard, but realized it was a bad thing when I fell flat on my face. Actually, he and I were always together, talking every night, me helping/giving advice to his problems.
We had many short comings since he never seemed to handle having a girlfriend and me at the same time. His mom always thought he and I were together. -laughs- But he always had a thing for the girls shorter than me. Not that it bothered me, only bothered me when he ignored me because of them.
Usually his relationships ended with him calling me on the phone crying. They always dumped him, and he ran to me to cry to. I think it was because I would tell him to come over no matter what time it was, and we'd talk about random stuff, or I'd tell him stories, made up ones, while we sat outside. Because of location, stars weren't a thing we could see easily, so night sky watching never happened.
Anyways, after everything, we lost touch. Drifted. I fell for someone and my life centered around him, and then my moving to the Philippines, and Matt with the Navy, we just naturally drifted.
But lately, he was posting negative status on facebook, so I decided to check up on him.
Even though it has been 5 years since we saw each other, and talked and opened up on a personal level, I was able to pick at his shell(or as he calls it his bubble), so we had a nice talk, and he feels better a little bit.
And somehow, I am not sure how it happened, but now I am going to put together a sketch book/folder with new drawings and send it to him on his birthday. -laughs- Because he cherishes my artwork. I am glad someone still does.
I do miss him being around.
It may seem like we have something more than a friendship.
Nah, he turned me down long time ago. And I am glad he did. I don't think he and I would have been a good match. He is...more girly than I am, and I like feeling like the girl in a relationship.
He is like a little bro to me. I watch out for him, and he cries to me about life. I miss that. I should try and keep in touch with him.
I am just glad to have been able to think about memories from high school that was both funny/sad and happy.
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