My first Christmas that I am not single. Yes technically I wasn't single before on a few Christmas', but he and I weren't a couple, we were always on the fence on where we stood.
But this year... I honestly wasn't single. I am in a relationship, on that hasn't had a break yet or a breakup(though a part of me fears it will happen but he reassures me I am just thinking too much cause of the past) i haven't seen Matt in a little over a week. Due to work of course, so we decided to spend Christmas together. And because his brother's girlfriend was also there(finally she never had family dinner with them but I had tons of times) the whole family toasted to her and I welcoming us into the family.
True we have our troubles. I constantly get upsef over every little thing if it doesn't go right. He focuses on his games way more than he should. But after fighting, or having a couple's spat, one of us breaks the tension and we laugh and apologize.
He tries his hardest. He knows he isn't the best looking guy who was after me, nor was he the one with most money or promise for a bright future. He still worries I may just change my mind and walk away. Little does he know, I wouldn't. Someone who puts me first and cares about my feelings to the point it hurts them when they feel they did something wrong. Someone who is willing to do anything to keep me, willing to go along with my nonsense without questioning me. He doesn't realize that him making me feel safe is what made me fall for him. The fact I can do no wrong in his eyes. That he can never hate who I am....it is the million little things that piled up and made me see him as more than a friend.
Now, tmi now, I been a virgin for 25 years. By choice. I done sexual stuff but not sex, I always wanted to save myself for the one I will marry, or at least someone deserving. Cliché I know. But it is kinda romantic thinking that. I blame my parents for being literally a walking hallmark love story. Hahaha. Anyways, I am not a virgin anymore. Haven't been since August-September this year. I know he and I weren't together long, but it felt right. And he knew I was and didn't even pressure me about sex. He always asked for consent if he felt he was moving things along too fast for me. I scare easily. After our first kiss I ended up being too shy to talk to him. It was weird. Doing all of this with him is weird for me. All of our firsts are weird to me. I always end up thinking, " this is matt...the loner who was my dorky best friend." And it ends up weird for me. To him it feels right and ends up making me feel ever so comfortable with him.
I am thankful for all the firsts I get to share with him. And that next month will be 7 months together. It is exciting to think 1 year anniversary isn't too far away.
Til next time 'ciao
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