Future

Before, I always talked about the future, and tried to make the best of the now and it always falling through. But like....Matt just makes me feel secure. He is trying hard to pay off his bills so he can save. He is purposely going to school so he gets paid from the government for he can have some extra money for our future.

See, he uses the term "our". Everything he talks about, or does he automatically includes me. Even if it has nothing to do with me, he just puts me in it. His future vehicle is "our vehicle". His money is "our money." Everything. To strangers it looks as if we are married already from the way we bicker and know each other so well. It will be 2 months come august 4th of being with him.

Plus, now I am working part-time at an Asian place with my friend Ileana. She got me hired there. I work on the cashier and make the different types of tea. For the time being since I never worked at a restaurant. They want me to be able to handle things before putting me to work. So 3 days a week isn't that bad for a person just wanting some spending money and to save a little bit. Matt was very proud of me. He made such a big deal and started telling all his family about it. Even though it is a temp job til my papers are processed and I pass my NCLEX exam to become a registered US RN. He believes in my dreams and is helping me achieve it, just like I am helping him achieve his. I been at his place so much to the point that his family expects me there. Yesterday his mom told him, "no visitors over" and he was like, "Christina count as one?" And she laughed and told him I am family. She was thrilled I am working now cause I seem to be keeping Matt on the right track in life.

She also been less worried over his mental and emotional state since I been back. He has been more outgoing and willing to do things and not getting upset easily. She believes it is because of me. I dunno if it is true. But he always tells me I keep him calm.

Funny thing was, yesterday the dinner conversation was talking about Matt growing up and his mom stating he'll love sales on clothes when he has kids. And Matt looked directly at me smiling, which his sister caught and mentioned it out loud saying, "Matt looked at Christina. Mom we should expect some in the near future!" And that caused a chain of events of his youngest brother mentioning Matt and I will eventually "do it" but after we are married. And his second sister was like, "wait! You are a couple!??!?! Christina will become my sister-in-law?! Yes!! Thank you." 

Fyi he has not proposed and won't til we are stable on our own, OR if for some reason he goes back into the navy. We both agreed that we will elope at city hall of he re-enlisted so he can bring me with him so he won't have to say good-bye to me for long periods of time.

That future use to scare me. Thinking of the uncertainty and wondering if the guy and I will even last til my birthday or even a month without disappearing, went away cause I am his priority. He said "I love you" for the first time to me directly and he makes sure I know he does. He tells everyone who I am.

He doesn't even let me leave his mini-cooper if I am not smiling. He refuses to see me without a smile. The moment I am not smiling or I zone out, he automatically hugs me and asks what is on my mind so he can put my worries to rest.

He doesn't push me into sexual things, though I tease him relentlessly and he calls me major brat for it. He just.....he doesn't lace together magical words to make my heart race or flutter. Even when I was in the Philippines. No matter how busy he got, even with the time zone differences, he stayed up late and woke up early just to have time to talk to me when i am not busy. Though it tired him out. Which is why he is happy I am here, no more him trying to remember times and what i am doing at a certain time. He can easily do that here cause he doesn't have to think of a 12 or 13 hour time difference.

He just....makes me happy.

I always thought the greatest love in life would be filled with emotions and passion and my heart would never stop racing and shit. No....I believe it is the calmness of love that makes someone the true love, the greatest love. 

He makes my heart race, and calm both at the same time.

But like....he remains being my best friend. We have inside jokes and not everything is about couple and love and shit. We talk about everything. And he is very protective over me. When we go out he keeps my hand in his. And when i go out alone he messages me often to make sure I arrive safely where i was heading or i got home safely and if i need him to come and get me. Like he just....shows love over me from his actions. His family makes fun of him for showing that side openly cause of me. But at the same time....words are nice, but actions are better. If a guy wanted to be with you, then they would have. Life would not get in the way easily, even in distance. The effort to talk should be equal, and surprises often, even if it is small, is a must. Matt taught me that. He changed my idea on relationships. To be held as if I am the world. To actually feel like I am the world to him even when i was in the philippines and not through words....maybe i fell for him while i was there and just not realize it. He admits he had to help me get feelings for him cause I had a tough time seeing him as someone I'd sleep with and have kids or even marry. The idea of kissing him made me laugh. But now that i look back. When did i start having these feelings? Is it current? Or did i love him for a while now without knowing.

But....now I have a future to look forward to. A future husband. As he says, "it isn't an if i propose, or an if we get married. It is when i propose and when we get married. There is not if on us being together. I want you as my wife and that will never change." So....thinking and planning and even talking about the future and what we'll do with our kids, how we'll rise them as well as where we will live. He looks into safe locations and makes sure that everything is a good decent nearby, like hospital or medical place for me. As well as school zones and store. He also takes my wants and plans and mixes them together to create a future I cannot wait for. Even if it won't be exactly the way we plan, i wouldn't want to be with anyone but him now. I just....love him. And his bits of fat is nice to hug.