Meant to be

Recently I have been talking to Matt first ex girlfriend. Her name is Nikki. She hated me in high school when they were dating. 

I also was talking to his second love, Lynh. She and him dated for about 1.5 years. The second longest relationship he had. Apparently they both had the same feelings about him and I during high school.

We were meant to be. He and I had something that was not just friendship. I never thought much about it because he was my best friend and I was always chasing after someone else, he was as well. We'd support each other and the choice of crush and if gotten far enough boyfriend/girlfriend.

Now I was friends with Lynh. Nikki and I were friends until she decided to date Matt. So, she ended up hating me since I was his best friend. Lynh didn't hate me. But she always did feel that the one who should be dating him was me. Nikki admitted she felt the same way, in fact she knew he and I should have been together. She is really happy that we are cause apparently I was very important to him and it always made her jealous.

Now see, Matt was anti-social. Never had a best friend. Never got close to people. He hated people hugging him. He had a bubble around him keeping others away.

Then there was me. A bubbly, stubborn girl who always had to have her way. I declared him as my best friend. Bullied the crap out of him and then kept trying to make it up to him with hugs. I was not just the first girl to hug him. I was the first non-family member to. I was the first friend, and female, he ever brought home and introduced to his family. I was the first friend he ever called on a phone. I...I was special to him. In so many ways that didn't dealt with more than a friend. I was his first actual true friend.

Most of his firsts were with me. Nothing sexual or anything like kissing and such. Just friend stuff.

Now, I am a virgin. Not cause I couldn't have sex. But cause I didn't want to risk getting pregnant. Yes I know, there are ways to protect oneself from that. But I had plans and even though I truly wanted to lose it to Ashe, I am kinda glad I didn't. Matt is also glad I didn't. He is beyond happy that he will be the one to take it. He jokes about it since I am 25 years old. But he knows I fell in love with someone so far away. And when I was single I never paid attention to another guy unless I had strong feelings.

The fact that the person I had a lot of firsts with. First friend I walked with from school. First friend I made bleed, etc etc. And I was most of his firsts....it is ironic that my first time will be with him. He thinks that it means something. I kinda like that thought too. That life brought us together and made us see different people until we both were ready for each other. Life made him mature and care for girls in such a tender way. While I learned to rely and be vulnerable.

What always shocks me is how rough and firm he can be when we make out. He is so sure of himself while feeling me up and teasing me. The dorky wimp ended up being the one to pull my hair and kiss me strongly. He became someone who's touch was firm yet not painful. I feel we have a slight fun relationship. He also feels I am quite like a cat. And it turns him on when I melt when he rubs his hand against my jaw. He enjoys seeing my defenses break down and stare up at him with trusting eyes. 

But I am also a brat. He knows very well I will purpose push his buttons and he enjoys "punishing" me. Usually with a hard bite or a hard smack on my bottom. 

I am his brat. ❤ I love that he handles me very well and willing puts up with me. I know he is having fun with me just as I am with him.

Maybe he and I truly were meant to be. After all he and I agreed this relationship has no quitting. We are in it to the end. Every hardship. Every happiness. Every challenge along the way. He and I both agree not to break up. Yes we know the future is uncertain. But being best friends for a decade, knowing everything about each other. Some people say, "Marry your best friend". Well we decided that there is no one else worth spending the rest of our lives together. We are still taking it slow since we want to enjoy each other. We both are happy to know we will not end. Not now. Not ever.