Saturday, February 25, 2017

Long long time since I posted here.


Yeah....been a while.
So much has happened. And currently in a bad place. Mostly my fault, so I have no right to complain. But it does take a toll when one has no one to talk to, or to make smile. -takes a breath- So I decided to come back here. I did try to reach him, but no reply, he randomly disappeared. I am worried about him, hopefully he is okay. If nothing in a few days, I may try to email him again. (Yes, I am well aware I am annoying)
Between the thesis and Sam (with others), my life has been a major mess. I actually...broke down in tears in the Dean's office from everything. -laughs- We were talking about me running for the LGU, and me declining and randomly started crying. Had to explain to her that I am just over stressed so since the weekend was coming up, I relaxed an naturally cry. I have seriously thought I stopped being a crybaby, guess not.
Along with that....I am...I don't know, hurt I suppose that Sam has basically tossed me aside these past couple of weeks. No real idea why. First I thought it was due to my little blow up in Cebu, but now...now it just seems she just doesn't want to be friends anymore. It wouldn't hurt if she didn't go out of her way to secretly invite our mutual friends to go out. Meaning, she would say bye she was going home, call one of the friends I am talking to, then invite her to go out. Usually I would be told to come along, but the friend told me she would be right back....to which was a lie, I overheard the conversation, then saw the photos online. Hahaha. People going behind my back and whatnot. Seems like high school again. I don't know. I just I thought she would be different due to age, and having problems she talked to me and only me about. Through my encouragements, she opened up to our close friends/group about her sexuality. I always supported her and helped her feel better no matter when or how I was doing, and then suddenly get tossed aside as if I was no one. 
Suppose it just is a shocker. It hurts, but I know I will get over it. Just everything happening so fast, and my mind not being able to handle it all. I didn't realize how lonely and captured I felt over here. Having so much expected from me, randomly getting tossed out of a group (again). They wonder why Abbie doesn't have a group, why she isn't like the other American students....because the same thing happens to her. She makes friends, and then they randomly leave her.  I have started talking to Abbie again, though we don't see eye to eye, she knows how I feel at least. Just a year and a half. 
Hahah writing all of this has made me want to cry. Gosh, do I really suck at making friends. I was going to write what people told me was said behind my back, but...I don't think I will now. 
I think...I think I am just not cut out for certain things. So now to get use to going out on dates alone instead of with her or the others. At least it is less than 2 years now, then I can go back home, hopefully to people who still care about it. 
Anyways, I am tired now...so I guess I will end this now before I get even more down.

Until next time, Ciao`. 

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