It has been a while

So, I woke up to a phone call from my older sister, crying and freaking out over the US election.

I know, it has been the talk of the day and will be for a while, and it is annoying.

But I can't help but feel heartbroken. I have so many friends who are scared. And to have my very own sister call me crying, worrying what she should do. If she should leave the country and come over here, or if she should put up with it. I couldn't even describe the sorrow I felt when I didn't know what to tell her. She relies on me to be the ground for her since she had her medications reduced to a lower dosage. And I couldn't calm her nerves. 

The fear that spread through people the moment we had found out Trump won did not surprise or alarm me. I had already knew it would happen, though I had hope he wouldn't have become our President elect. I was sick to my stomach. If only my absentee ballot didn't have problems when I did try to vote. And I so glad to know I was not the only one having the problem. There were many Americans abroad who were unable to put in their voice. 

So many of my friends are in complete fear on what to do next. They fall under many of the targeted groups. Gay, lesbian, Muslim, nonwhite, nonmale, Atheist, and others. They are completely scared. To have a friend who is illegal, gay and a muslim, but has been doing his part to contribute to society in every way he can, messaged me right after asking if it was possible if he can marry me to leave the country. If the country I am in recognized divorce I wouldn't hesitate in helping him leave the country if things go south, but my circumstances here aren't really any better. I am just hoping the president here only had a problem with Obama, and nothing bad will happen. 

Though I am not in the States, it is still my country, and I am mourning this outcome fully. To even know that my dad fully supports Trump, and even lectured me about "knowing" my place in society....has he forgotten he is in an interracial marriage? That his wife is a Filipina? That his very own children are mixed? And unlike my sisters, I don't look as white as they do.

To be honest, I am scared of going back to the states. Not because of Trump, but the citizens themselves. When I was there I have dealt with constant sexual harassment, and just knowing there are so many people who are now surfaced, I can't help but feel things will get worse within communities. I don't care much about Trump, I care about what the followers are capable of doing to those that don't fit their image. 

I was unable to sleep much last night, thankfully the group of friends who I am in a group chat with, allowed me to do a group call, and just have us talk, each of us trying to calm the other down. I am 100% to the group of friends I have never met yet. I am thankful that they and I share the same ideas about love and acceptance, that even though some are not from the states or living there, they do not think of us as stupid beings, but mourn with us. I just have to find my steady ground. I been getting messages. Looks like people have started turning back to the "mother hen" for reassurance it isn't the end of the world. I have no idea what to say, since I can't even reassure myself it will all be okay.

I just hope things don't get too crazy. I really want to go back home.

I can classes starting today, at least I can try to distract myself with that. 

Please don't let the world end.