My poor mug!

This mug was my daddy's, one of his favorites, as well as one of mine.

He gave it to me when I started cooking and properly using a computer.

It was my favorite mug.

No matter what life throws at me, I always had this mug to make hot chocolate or hot tea and relax my mind before I did anything stupid.

Now it is gone.

Gone like everything else.

As you can see, I made hot chocolate in it, but my goat decided that he wanted to practice headbutting, thus not only was it spilled all over the floor, the mug broke.

I honestly don't know what is going on with my life.

It is as if everything I touch, love and want to keep forever is just disappearing.

I lost the person I love. I try my best to get over him and move on.

I get bad marks on tests/quizzes. I decide to study harder.

I get yelled at by my grandmother, and called the devil's child by her and most of my relatives on my point of view on something. I forgive them and push pass it.

My baby kitten dies, I sucked it up and smiled.

I get called a freak by a good friend. I get over it.

I hurt my back badly, and now I am trying to make light of the situation.

The internet becomes all screwed up.

Even now it isn't fully running. I plugged in an ethernet cable, and working on a limited net access, I decided to walk to the mall to buy said cable so my mom won't freak out on me even more. 

It is hot, and really far away. I lost my umbrella, and I don't have a hat. So the heat was beating down on me.

And now...now this. Now my mug is broken.

I don' know what is wrong.

It's almost as if every time I try to fix a piece of my life, my life gets even more broken.

I know it isn't a big deal.

But as I write this I am crying in the corner of my bedroom because it seems too big, and I can't breathe.

I don't know what else to do.

Everything in my life is just wrong. It's screwed up.

No matter what I do. How happy I try to be, this year is just coming at me full force.

I am at the end of my rope here.

I never felt so alone, and hopeless before.

And it isn't even the love part that making me feel like this.

It is the fact everything is just falling apart.

I am a positive person.

I always have been.

I been through hell and back. There is so much of my life I don't talk about because I can't stand thinking of it. But I always smiled and believed the next day will be bright and shining.

But it isn't happening anymore.

I am just falling apart, and honestly, I don't know if I can put myself back together again.

I just wnt to disappear. Disappear from life. 

Again, I know all those things aren't big deals. Bit it is one right after another. It makes me feel like everything I do is wrong. That I shouldn't even be around because I break everything. I kill everything. I screw up everything.

Maybe my family here is right. Maybe I am a devil. Maybe I am evil and this is a punishment for something.

I don't know anymore.

It is 9:32 pm over here. I am going for a walk. If I don't come back. I don't come back.