A little something different.

Patch asked me what was my worse breakup.

...that is a pretty hard one. I mean this one was pretty bad. But it wasn't messy.

So instead I told her about a messy one I had, thought maybe I would just make it into a blog post. I am peeved that this blog fell behind the other one in the number of posts.

The guy's name was Angel. Whom I would call Fishy. He was anything but an Angel. 

I fell for his outlook on life, and how he and I seemed so similar to each other, in our ideals of life.

So we decided to date.

He tried moving things along quickly.

Which he knew I didn't want to do anything. I am shy when it comes to sexual matters. Which isn't hard to understand, it just comes down to people.

Anyways, he kept asking me for nudes, to show off to him and such.

Which I did not. I kept telling him how uncomfortable it makes me, more so it was only a week. But he kept insisting that it is normal. I am actually sure it is normal. Hah, but I didn't want any part of it since I was still getting to know him.

It came to the point where he was threatening me. Cornering me.

Yes, I know I am mild mannered, I rarely get mad, and I am very forgiving.

I do, though, have a nasty temper.

And that is what exactly happened.

He pushed and pushed. He caged me, and not in a way I wanted.

I enjoy possessiveness, but he used my feelings against me to try and make me do things for him.

I didn't allow that. 

It caused me to snap at him.

I don't mind being told what to do, but I do mind being forced to do it. Gentle words and such will cause me become undone. But he decided he would use an iron fist to get me to bend to his will.

Wrong thought.

Thankfully he was at least man enough not to attack me.

Thought it caused a big commotion with a lot of people.

Most pitying him due to the fact I didn't say anything that happened, so they only had what he went around saying. I am sure my friends weren't happy I didn't do anything to stop him.

One think I do remember, is it was one of the rare times I wished someone to die, and I remember telling him that he should just kill himself. Granted, if he did, I am liable for it since I technically encouraged it at the time. 

Many people wonder why I am a bit of a "prude". I wouldn't call myself a prude at all.

If given the time and space, I will be more than willing to be down for anything.

Sadly, everyone jumps the gun. I like knowing before jumping, in this case. Usually I just wing things, after all, what could go wrong.

Patch asked me so many questions.

Yes, what I wrote here is just a washover on what I told her. She got the full story, I am not posting the full blown story here.That guy was nasty.

She asked me for advice.

Though she got me crying, it wasn't a lot of tears.

She misses him greatly. She is hung up over promises. And she knows I am "the glass is half full" person.

Sadly, I couldn't humor her and tell her he will stay around and what she wanted to her.

Instead, I told her people change. Plans change, promises get broken.

Which made things worse.

But I also told her, it doesn't mean that it is all for the worst. It also doesn't mean that he will disappear from her life, but within those broken promises and plans, something more beautiful may get born.

If he cares for her, they may still make it work.

But if he doesn't, then she should treasure the memories of him.

She felt more at ease talking to me....her reason, "You are going through a breakup and yet you are so strong."

Thanks Patch. Thanks for always reminding me. -laughs- If only she knew what goes through my mind....if she only knew about this blog, she would be surprised.

She claims she can't smile again, and she has lost the light in her life.

If she needs to cry to me, I won't stop her. I have strong shoulders, and it is her first heartbreak.

She believes she is alone.

I am thinking...maybe I will show her this blog of mine. Just this one, or...maybe re-write the posts in a notebook. Knowing her she will end up going all the way back to 2012. I don't want her to. 

She will be okay. She may cry for now. Just like me, but slowly she will go forward, even if she falls backwards again.

My heart is aching right now.

Kinda wish she wouldn't make me talk about my feelings, and only hers.

Just take deep breaths and close my eyes.