Whatta Day!

First time in days that I was able to smile almost all day long. 

Th start of the day was a bit dull. I laid in bed for a few hours after waking up. I didn't want to start on the day. Since it was the weekend, it hit me fully that my life centers around one person. 

But for the good of him, because he wants me to be happy...or something.

I don't want him to worry about me.

So what did I do?

I decided to go out to the mall on a date.

With who though?

ME! 

-laughs- 

I can date myself. I see no reason why not.

Originally I was just going to sit at the mall's Dunkin' Donuts, while I use their wifi and order whatever sweet unhealthy thing I wanted. 

But I ended up running into London Bridge. 

It wasn't everyone. Pamu wasn't in the city, she apparently went back to her home town because her mom was getting a medical check up. 

So Jhens, Patch, and Yna decided that they should just stick with me instead of roaming around together. 

That ended up me buying them donuts. I always feel bad if I am the only one eating, so I make sure everyone eats. 

Since it was close to lunch time, they all agreed that we should eat together, which is how we ended up at Mcdonald's. 

The number one place, that I realized almost all my classmates like eating with friends at is Mcdonald's. I rarely eat there. But I decided to go along with it. 

Why not? I have nothing planned, since my life decided to melt in my hands. 

In return everyone was on Facebook Messenger, in our group chat, making Sam jealous. 

She wasn't happy she wasn't included into our little foodtrip, so she decided to hop aboard and come to us. 

Jhens and Yna didn't want me to just go home.

Apparently they wanted me to have fun. 

Result?

We went food shopping. 

-laughs-

These girls seriously believe food can solve everything.

Spent 500 on snacks, and alcoholic drinks. 

Yay for Patch FINALLY being legal to drink with us. 

We ended up at Yna's place since her parents weren't home. 

I would have offered up my apartment, but I didn't feel like having to prep everything and rush before they came in. 

It was a lot of fun. 

First time I was over a classmate's house, besides lovely Tony's apartment and Gerald's. 

We ended up working on our assignments together, singing loudly off key to the Spice Girls, Little Mix, and whatever song they had on the laptop. Everyone also wanted me to do their nails. 

Now everyone has matching nails. 

I wasn't fully into the group hangout, but I was trying my best to keep myself from detaching from them. 

 I think today went fairly okay. 

Unlike the rest of the week, the day was going nicely. When I spaced out, one of them would jump on me, forcing me to rejoin them.

I am still sad though.

I don't know what I was expecting this Saturday. 

Maybe I was thinking that something would change, and everything will end up happily like how I want it. 

Maybe I was thinking I would wake up with a loving message telling me it was all a horrible joke or mistake. 

But that didn't happen. 

My chest feels tight still whenever I am alone, but at least I don't cry over it anymore. 

I just miss him so much. 

He was such a big part of my life. 

And I want him to continue to be a part of my life. 

Friend or otherwise. 

It doesn't matter, as long as he is in it. I always enjoy our interactions, and conversations. It brings a smile on my face that no one else has ever managed to put on me. 

But....I am still breathing. 

Still smiling. 

After all, the world doesn't stop spinning just because I am hurting. 

....I still love him.