My family here needs to CHILL

I get it.

What happened was awful.

But it isn't helping to be parading around the island, claiming you want peace for my uncle.

How much longer are you going to hold onto the grudge of his death!

I know it hurts.

I know that nothing will bring him back.

But forcing everyone to hold a mass in his honour in every town for the next forty days, is a big much.

My family doesn't understand the concept of money.

They think just because my mom lives in the states that they can easily do whatever they want.

To hold a mass for any reason in the cathedral, costs a lot. Not to mention transportation fees of everyone. 

Since it is summer, that means EVERYONE is available.

There is just too many family members to do something like that with. 

For one person to go around the island is about 1500, and knowing my family it will be over 20-30 people who will be forcing themselves to attend.

Are they willing to lay out the money for that?

Of course not.

They have no money.

They barely get by every week.

I have to make sure they have food on the table because no one at the main house works.

Most o my cousins are college graduates but they refuse to get jobs, and live freely off my mom.

So what do they want me to do?

Ask my mom to send money over for this thing they want to do.

Why do they want to do it?

Because the killers haven't been caught.

My mom and I both agreed that it is for the best to not continue with the investigations, and to just forgive what happened.

But they can't seem to.

So instead they want my mom to spend two grand on this feeble attempt to get attention to the case my mom wants to let go.

It isn't that much.

I know.

But at the moment my family isn't doing well, and with my older sister's life decision, my mom just afford to allow something like that to happen.

But I know she will feel down right guilty if she denies my grandma the right to mourn her son's death.

So it most likely will happen the way they want it to.

Last time I went home, everyone was settled in letting it go.

I am nearly certain my uncle's mistress/girlfriend, whoever she was to him, went to the main house and talked to them about doing this. 

She is no good.

I have no idea why they are allowing her to rule the household.

I feel sorry for my mom. 

I feel bad for having to tell my mom their wishes, because she is always a walking stress ball.

And now, I am unsure about things.

Like I said before.

My life likes to become a roller-coaster.

If it isn't one thing in my life, it's another. 

I wish I could just talk to him.

He always put me at ease, even if I kept what is bothering me from him.

Just talking to him about nonsense always helped me.

But I guess I am to handle my emotions alone.

I can do it.

More strain, but nothing I can't handle.

"Thumbelina: "And the Beetle said I was ugly!"

 Jacquimo: "Do you love the Beetle?"

 Thumbelina: "No..."

 Jacquimo: "Then he does not matter. The only person who matters is the one you love.""

- Thumblina and Jacquimo, 1994 film by Don Bluth and Gary Goldman