Work, work, work

My job, same as last year, stress free, simple, easy, etc., yet I still can't seem to find the time to blog correctly like before. If only Jen was around. 

I am able to get online during my work hours, but that's because of my wonderful work's hotspot, though it has a limited amount of data I could use, as well as the battery life sucks major balls. But it's better than nothing, though I am usually on my phone unless I am going to have a nice long conversation with someone, then I'd use my laptop, during that time I forget to update this blog.

Work is dull, and I realized recently I'm going to be alone on Thanksgiving. Not only on that day, but as well as my 21st birthday AND Christmas. Oh the holidays alone I'm just not use to. But at least this year is almost over right?

-smiles- Though this hasn't been the best year, it also wasn't the worst.

At work I have time to think, time to organize my scattered thoughts, sometimes I can make sense of what is running through my head, other times I get even more confused. 

Lately, I've been thinking of my sister Sara. How in the past I was always second in everyone's life, how I still feel like I'm second. How everything I want is always just in reach but somehow gets away. And just that thought alone makes me want to give up on so many things. People say I am always so happy, how I am so great at putting a smile on their face. How can I blanket state out loud I'm unhappy? I just want to be hugged and told it'll be okay, that I won't be alone anymore. That I have nothing to worry about.

Then I rethink that, why should someone else be responsible for making me happy? It's my choice. My own decision about how I feel at this moment in life. True, that tucking feeling in my heart and the dropping stomach won't disappear because I put a brave face on. But at least I am being responsible for my own feelings. Making me happy isn't someone else's job, in fact it isn't a job. I don't know what it is, but it's something only I, and I alone can do. Though having someone there would make it easier.

I have also listened to Peter, Paul and Mary. Not the best singers out there, but it's a group my father use to listen to when I was just a kid. And the memories came flooding back, and put a smile on my face.

Things I'm thankful for:

23. Pain - Unlike most people, I thankful for it. It allows me to know I'm alive and eventually things will get better.

24. Tomorrow - It brings me hope of a better day.

Until next time, Ciao~