Every day when I come back from the hospital, I feel worse and worse. -sigh- I can't believe he is slowly fading away from us. He is going to be in my heart forever, I don't even know what kind of girl I'd be if Uncle Ed wasn't in my life. As long as I can remember, he was always there, laughing, joking around...acting as if the world stopped spinning whenever I laughed or smiled.
Always treating me as if I was the world.
He was always fair when it came to my sister Sara's and my fights. He would listen to both sides, unlike my parents, who would accuse the one they saw doing the damage. But at the same time, he would make us work it out for our own reasons.
When I think back on all the times I saw him on the weekends with his wife Shirley. They never let us down.
I wish I knew what to do to help ease their pain.
The only time I ever felt this down was when my grandpa passed away back in 2006. And that time was a really rough time for me. I believe in that year I was a really horrible child to my mom.
Anyways, I just can't believe that he is doing worse and worse. I am scared now to go to the hospital in fear that he might pass away while I am in the room. I do not like crying in front of people. He has seen me cry a lot, and I don't want him to know I cry the moment he dies. I hope, I pray, his child will come and see him before he passes away. I don't know how much longer he'll be able to hold on.
~
Other news, I been talking to some old friends again. Old as in from middle school, and a few from elementary school, but the ones from elementary school are my classmates from overseas in the Philippines.
I never noticed how much we've grown without one another. Being in a group conversation with my old group of middle school friend, made me realize how much of a loser I was in middle school. -laughs-
I always looked for the best in people, and I still do.
I use to post their poems, and draw them horrible pictures; thinking I was some amazing artist.
Even my best friend, Abdon, he changed greatly as well. But I think that's towards losing his mother to cancer. That is something that will change a person.
It's great to know, that I wasn't the only one who was scared of getting together and talking. We all had our fears and worries that we wouldn't get along anymore. There was so much tension between everyone after Abdon and my friend Chrystyna broke up. And when I started liking him, it didn't help the situation at the time.
But the moment we were talking, laughing about how things use to be, we realized that no matter how much time passed we'd always be the reject group from middle school. It comforts me knowing that we can change, and become totally different people, and yet still look at one another with those wild hopeful eyes, thinking the world has just started for us. -smiles- I can't wait to talk to everyone again.
More so with Chrystyna. She and I were like sisters. Not only did we have the same name, we did everything together. When I wanted to run away from home, she always let me in her place. Without her mother knowing. -laughs- When there was something going on, she and I would run to the place together.
Entering talent shows together. Singing loudly during lunch time at school. Sitting at the little tables to stay away from people who didn't enjoy being around us.
She is the only person I know I stayed in contact with from elementary school here in the USA. Even though, she and I had a major fall out in 8th grade, over how she dumped Abdon and the way she started acting.
Looking back, she was just growing up. And so was I. We don't hold it against each other, we smile back on those days, saying that we wouldn't change a thing about what happened.
Until next time, Ciao~
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