Overly Emotional

As my mom would always tell me, "Day you are being OE." (Overly emotional)

Yes, for the past few days I have been. For no reason really other than sometimes I get in my own head. So I'm going to push through it and breathe. 

Sometimes I trip and stumble with who I am and what I'm doing. I started journaling again, fully copying someone's routines a bit. This blog...I do post personal stuff, other times just videos or quotes or a snippet of my day. But my inner personal thoughts are handwritten now. But that doesn't mean I won't post here some thoughts. After all I had this blog since forever.

Honestly, I cry a lot. I whine a lot. Over the weekend I was thinking back on how I was, and how people treated me. I pushed someone important away. And with him I truly don't need to worry with how I am. 

But how do I take how I am? I've been out through the ringer most of my life. Home life, school life, and just life itself. I make my life so flowery and pretty but most nights I recall crying myself to sleep and honestly disliking myself. I would always cover up the invisible wounds because who wants to deal with that? I was always told to smile I could be worse off. Honestly that shouldn't be the case. No one at a young age should worry if family loves them for themselves, worry if they are the least like friend in the friend group....and among other stuff. If I could somehow see my younger self. I would protect her from all the selfish, shallow...toxic people in the world. But I can't. What I can do, I make sure I keep an eye on others. Young and old. I was told I have a light. A warmth. Something I always had. I am a person who love/d people who needs/needed to be love/d. And honestly that is okay.

I am me. I love hard. I feel hard. I cry a lot. And I believe in love and magick. -smiles- I might have bad days, more recently than I would like, but I wouldn't change who I am for anyone. One day someone will love and want me as me.