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I stated I wasn't going to post on here. This is my blog...why should I not post? Imma fucking post cause I want to post on here. If you(you know who you are) read this blog...that's on you not me. I do have a backup blog but this is my blog. This is my safe space on a public platform.

ANYWAY

This morning was rough..rougher than I had anticipated. Got all the way to work, sat in the car, had music blasting all around me. Ended up calling out. The anxiety of work, and everything going on got the best of me. Being in tears basically all day Sunday and crying this morning, just couldn't see myself sitting there being at work with such a heavy heart, so I called out. 

Called out and went to the beach and sat in the sand and then went into the water..scrubs and everything was there for a good 2 hours before I felt a bit better and made my way to the cemetery to talk to my adopted grandma. She never understood what I said to her when she was around but she always looked at me with the most loving eyes. I stayed til lunch time and then booked an emergency appointment with my therapist and well that went as well as one expected. 

Got a new charm for my necklace. The original is put safely in my treasure box til further notice. But it felt weird not wearing a necklace. This time I picked something that made me feel weightless. Additional bonus it glows in the dark!  

Still holding my breath but I'm in a calmer state of mind after my day today. Going to go into work tomorrow and sit alone with my thoughts. Marilyn has been a saint with my moody self over the weekend and today. 

Did this before, and lived through it. I'll be fine. Not happy, not at all. Closed off, but I got better over time. I'll get better again..for now. Imma post gifs from shows based on my feelings when I wake up.