The stories we find

 

Disney

 

Okay fine! I'll watch Disney movies instead of of murder shows. Haha. This post has been popping up on my FB feed basically every day now thanks to my friends. -laughs- Guess I am watching Disney tonight.

Belated but not belated

Belated on here, but not in person. I am glad to have sat there yesterday and talk to you. I miss you girl. Sorry that I mainly cried the whole time I sat there.

Eye, Eye, Eye

I have been on a cornea team for the past month since I started my new job mid-April. Technically, I'm not on the team but the team is in denial about it since I've been there for a month already; apparently they can't picture me now leaving the team. Which is nice to know they want me to stay that badly. The team is tons of laughter, jokes and unhinged moments. 

I am, honestly, so happy where I am. It has been 2 months with this place, I love working along side everyone even if it's not with a team I'm with. Everyone is literally so nice and helpful. I'm still getting the hang of refracting patients, so far my refractions have been fine but I am not okay with re-refractions yet. 

Learning about different eye issues/diseases/surgeries have been tons of fun. I am glad I found my footing with this team. Honestly, I do hope I am placed with them because of how I mesh with everyone. 

This place also loves to keep employees fed. Haha. Between snacks and drinks and lunches half the time I end up having to bring my lunch back home or leave it in the fridge for the next day. 

I also forgotten how much I mess being in a work group that does everything together. Kind of makes me think of London bridge. -smiles- Going out for work lunches together, going out shopping. (Which they all still are bugging me about) And now home cooked meals. They truly truly truly love being a makeshift family. I'd be honored and lucky to stick with them.

Sunday 06-08-25 @ 8:50

Some days it may feel like I fell back a few steps, other times it feels like I am doing amazing. Either way, honestly is fine. 

It's hard. Life is hard. My life is harder than some, but not harder than others. I am proud of everyone who got up today; even if they are still in bed. Proud they are pushing through the pain, even if they feel like they have no choice. I get it. I've been there, and I'm still there on some days. So I'm proud of you. 

Pain never full goes away. But some days it's a dull ache, and that's okay. It all shapes who we are and we aren't done becoming who we are meant to be. I don't think we ever truly stop being shaped. 

Be proud of the version you are today. 

 

Little Facts

 

I realized it has been a good moment since my last post. I also noticed I have more views recently since I been posting again. For whatever reason, thanks for rereading very old posts of mine, hah. 

So here are a few little tidbits about myself(realized I did this every few years after a hiatus so long over due)

Name: Christina

Age: Currently 32 but honestly feel so much older. Can't believe I started this blog when I was basically 19 years old. 

Location: Back in the USA, but not in Florida anymore. 

Career/Job: Definitely not a nurse despite degree and experience. I am an OA, and in 6 months hopefully will be taking the exam to be a COA. Realized I loved working with eyes more than anything else.

Favorite color: Still shades of purple, and grey. 

Hobbies: currently rediscovering my hobbies so: drawing, reading, taking strolls and watching shows/movies

Now random facts:

1. Loud noises/being yelled out triggers me into a being silent. 

2. I cry. A lot. Even when I don't want to. Let's not feel bad about it. I cry when happy, sad, mad, or sleepy. Let's be for real, that's just who I am. 

3. I am an over thinker, and typically will react first then rationalize later. It bites me in the ass many times. 

4. I overshare to strangers that I know I'll never see or speak to again, but only about certain things. Those things my be unhinged thoughts. 

5. I tend to distance and push people away when I need someone around me. 

6. I am soft hearted. Relearning it's not a weakness but a strength. But as soft as I am, don't take advantage of it. 

7. I use to love lilies so much. Spider lilies are my all time favorites; but I grown very fond of sunflowers that they are pretty much tied. 

8.  I have a large collection of unused notebooks, and in each notebook I written a quote that stuck with me the day I bought it. 

9. I like sitting on the floor. 

10. I never thought I would be the type of person who made herself small because of someone and lose sight of who she was/is. But I did. And now I'm learning not to do that. 

If you made it this far without being bored by those mundane facts. Thank you. Here's a bonus one that is well known. I am half Asian. Fil-Am.  Filipino American. 

Naibog gihapon ko niya. Human niining tanan nga mga tuig. Wala gyud mausab akong emosyon para niya

Overly Emotional

As my mom would always tell me, "Day you are being OE." (Overly emotional)

Yes, for the past few days I have been. For no reason really other than sometimes I get in my own head. So I'm going to push through it and breathe. 

Sometimes I trip and stumble with who I am and what I'm doing. I started journaling again, fully copying someone's routines a bit. This blog...I do post personal stuff, other times just videos or quotes or a snippet of my day. But my inner personal thoughts are handwritten now. But that doesn't mean I won't post here some thoughts. After all I had this blog since forever.

Honestly, I cry a lot. I whine a lot. Over the weekend I was thinking back on how I was, and how people treated me. I pushed someone important away. And with him I truly don't need to worry with how I am. 

But how do I take how I am? I've been out through the ringer most of my life. Home life, school life, and just life itself. I make my life so flowery and pretty but most nights I recall crying myself to sleep and honestly disliking myself. I would always cover up the invisible wounds because who wants to deal with that? I was always told to smile I could be worse off. Honestly that shouldn't be the case. No one at a young age should worry if family loves them for themselves, worry if they are the least like friend in the friend group....and among other stuff. If I could somehow see my younger self. I would protect her from all the selfish, shallow...toxic people in the world. But I can't. What I can do, I make sure I keep an eye on others. Young and old. I was told I have a light. A warmth. Something I always had. I am a person who love/d people who needs/needed to be love/d. And honestly that is okay.

I am me. I love hard. I feel hard. I cry a lot. And I believe in love and magick. -smiles- I might have bad days, more recently than I would like, but I wouldn't change who I am for anyone. One day someone will love and want me as me.